Mani Shankar Aiyar may become Pakistan’s new Foreign Minister


The PPP leadership is believed to have approached Mr. Mani Shankar Aiyer to become Pakistan’s new foreign Minister after the unexpected resignation of Mr. Shah Mehmood Qureshi.

An aide close to President Zardari told this reporter “ Mani Shankar Aiyer has all the essential qualities to be a good foreign Minister for Pakistan. His love for Pakistan is only exceeded by his abhorrence for Hindu right wing nationalists, he is given to militant posturing and we have been led to  believe  that he is some kind of a fundamentalist himself, albeit of the secular variety. A Cambridge degree and a weird Raj era British accent will help when it comes to hard knucke bargainging with the Yanks. And when it comes to tough posturing in front of the Indian media, he can put any of our rabble rousing mullahs to shame. So it would really help the cause of Pakistan if he becomes the country’s next foreign minister.”  When asked about his Indian nationality coming in the way, the aide said that Pakistan is willing to fast track his application for citizenship. “It also helps that he was born in Lahore, worked in Karachi and knows more about Pakistan then any Pakistani. So we don’t aniticipate any problems on that front. “

Mani Shankar when approached by this reporter about accepting the offer cleared his throat and launched into the following monologue “One never accepts a gift before it has actually been offered. So speaking in purely hypothetical terms, my elevation to Paksitan’s foreign minister from being India’s ex Sports and Panchayati Raj Minister  will be a watershed event in the politics of the sub-continent. My first task as the Pak foreign minister will be to institute a dialogue mechanism between the Pakistani and Indian foreign secretaries that will be uninterruptable and uninterrupted. Or to put in less elegant terms, it will be a 24/7 conversation that will just go on and on. In the interests of transparency, transcripts of the ongoing dialogue between the secretaries will be uploaded instaneously  to a dedicated portal and will read like Cricinfo Test Match commentary. The secretaries will only be allowed 10 minutes off every day for coffee and bio breaks. My next task as the Pakistan Foreign Minister will be to lean on the Indian establishment to do away with visas for visiting Paksitanis. I have always maintained that terrorists don’t apply for visas when visiting India anyway  so why have a visa regime in the first place”

A congress working committee member said that “working for the cause of Pakistan is a lesser sin compared to switching loyalties from the Nehru Gandhi dynasty to the Bhutto-Zardari clan. That would mean automatic, immediate and permanent expulsion from the Congress party. We need clarication from Mani on this  crucial point”. Mani Shankar has reportedly told the high command that “working for Pakistan will never be at the cost of steadfast loyalty to the Nehru Gandhi dynasty and it would be his endeavour to take the Gandhi-Nehru brand into the Pakistani heartlands, Inshallah

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