After winning the first three ODIs relatively easily, what happened within Team India that caused them to lose so badly to a down-and-out West Indies side? Was it complacency? Was it lack of motivation? The UnReal Times presents to its readers a sneak-peak inside the Indian dressing room on the morning of the match, which might throw a clue in this direction.
The camera starts from a corner of the dressing room, where Rohit Sharma is seen in a Brahminical attire – topless and dhoti-clad with sacred markings on his forehead and arms, eyes shut in prayer. In his left hand is a silver plate with various sacred offerings and in his right hand is a little bell. The camera pans to the wall he’s standing in front of. A framed poster of Sachin Tendulkar from one of the old Sportstar editions is seen hanging there. One marigold flower is placed at the top of the photo.
After murmuring what sound like sacred mantras, Rohit finally opens his eyes and says ‘Oh lord, will I make a big score today?’ He looks eagerly at the marigold flower at the top of the photo, and asks again ‘Perhaps you didn’t hear me. Will I make a 50 today?’ He looks again at the immobile flower and stretches his silver plate under it. He then looks furtively to his left and right, and taps the poster. The marigold flower however doesn’t budge.
Just then, Virat Kohli throws the door of the dressing room open and barges in.
Virat (cheerfully and loudly): Look who’s back!!
Everybody ignores him. Kohli looks around in the dressing room, spots Ishant Sharma sitting on the beanbag combing the knots out of his hair
Virat: Hey Ishant, I am getting a butterfly tattoo just above my navel. You wanna get one as well?
Ishant (fiercely): Yeww man, No way! In any case, I started washing my hair yesterday and I’m hoping to finish it today. Had to skip practice for that.
Kohli: Screw you guys. I’m off by myself.
At the other corner of the room, Raina is seen taking English speaking lessons from Ravichandran Ashwin to prepare for the post-match presentation. Subramaniam Badrinath is standing there as well, listening to the conversation.
Raina: Don’t under the mine us by saying West Indies is weak. Our playboys really good
Ashwin: Not playboys really good. Our boys played really good. Try again
Raina: Don’t mine under us by saying West Indies is weak. The boys played really good
Ashwin: Argh. Undermine. Not mine under
Raina: Yaar, it’s such a difficult word. Can’t you give me an easier word? Saala angrez kahin ka!
Ashwin: If you can’t say even this, how will you handle Ravi Shastri’s other glib questions? And you haven’t won enough yet that you can just start with ‘Well of course’, say whatever you want and get away with it! Let’s try again. It’s such a simple sentence yaar!
Raina: Oh, simple huh? Acha let me hear you say this – ‘chandu ke chacha ne chandu ki chachi ko chandi ki chamchi se chutney chatayi’ – chal bolke dikha.
At this point, Yousuf Pathan comes to them with a worried look on his face.
Yousuf: Guys, have you seen my strip of chewing gum?
The three shake their heads.
Yousuf: I can’t bat without my chewing gum! What do I do?
He lumbers away, head bowed, eyes scanning the floor here and there. At that moment, Munaf Patel suddenly jumps in front of Subramanium Badrinath and starts shaking his lanky limbs like a lab skeleton, croaking “Subramaniummmm… Alumooooniummm… “
Badrinath’s ears slowly turn reddish-purple. He bites hard on his lip and turns the other way hoping Munaf goes away. Munaf however doesn’t give up. He comes around to face him and continues his antics.
Badrinath: That’s it! I can’t take it anymore!! (yells) Badavaa Rascaaaaal !
Yelling at the top of his voice, Badri jumps on Munaf and the two scuffle around for a while until Raina steps in to break them up.
Raina: All right, all right! Guys, break it up! Time now. Let’s go guys. Come on!
Amit Mishra: Nice! Where to this time? Scuba-diving? Let me get my swim suit.
Raina: No, the 4th ODI with West Indies, you stupid leggie. Put on your blues now.
Amit Mishra (mutters under his breath): Even Ranji matches are watched by more people…
The players file out of the dressing room one by one. And thus Team India takes the field.