China designed new Brahmaputra channel revealed from satellite imagery

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Indian satellite images have traced the outline of the new channel through which China will divert Brahmaputra water to irrigate arid regions in South East China.  The Brahmaputra flows nearly 1,100 miles east from its source near Mt. Kailash before taking a  near 90 degree turn south near Mt. Namcha Barwa to cut through the great Himalayas and entering India. However, the new channel will now take a 90 degree bend north at this point and then follow a highly meandering path through Tibet and China before emptying into the Pacific Ocean somewhere near Hong Kong. This new channel will now be prosaically called ‘Indi Ho’ which in Han Chinese means ‘that Indian river’.

The Brahmaputra will now lazily meander through South China

Interestingly, the Satellite image of the new channel seems to be loaded with symbolism. Indian diplomats are convinced that the Chinese are basically telling India to “F*** Off”.  A Chinese Embassy official in New Delhi, Mr. Yang Ho, has pooh-poohed the suggestion by saying “If we want to tell India to F*** off, we’ll convey it directly through a diplomatic demarche. The new channel has been designed by a team of irrigation engineers solely to maximize surface irrigation in the arid regions to the south east of the Tibetan plateau. Moreover, the Han symbol for ‘F*** Off’ is too intricate to replicate on this scale.”

Sinography expert at JNU’s Depart of Oriental Linguistics, Dr. Chandrashekhar, said, “To my knowledge, the satellite image of the new Brahmaputra channel does not resemble any Chinese Han character currently in usage.  Yeah, I also think the Chinese may have inadvertently said “screw you” based on the internationally accepted convention to express such a sentiment.”

Bangladesh, which perhaps has more to lose than India’s North-East if China executes its plans, has reportedly told India through informal channels to “stop acting cocky and macho in front of the smaller SAARC countries like Bhutan, Nepal and instead gets its act together viz. China”.