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After Kate Middleton finally got hitched to Prince William, there is considerable social pressure on her hot sister, Pippa, to marry into an equally prestigious royal family. With most of Europe’s royals already taken, impotent or gay, Pippa is prospecting for a desirable groom across former British colonies starting with the former brightest jewel in the crown, the Indian subcontinent.
Although privy purses and royal titles in India have been legally abolished since 1971, Pippa’s friends have directed her to the Nehru-Gandhi dynasty, India’s de facto royal family, which now comprises the dowager queen, Smt. Sonia Gandhi, and the heir apparent, Rahul Gandhi. Pippa was convinced of the Nehru-Gandhi family’s blue-bloodedness after a Google search on Rahul revealed that he is usually addressed by his subjects as Yuvraj. “Rahul is some kind of a Duke there right now… of some place called Amethi, I believe and will eventually ascend India’s throne. Man, he’s hotter than William and if I bag him, I will climb socially higher than Kate,” Pippa is believed to have said after investigating Rahul’s background and profile.
Rahul was initially not responsive to Pippa’s overtures but accepted her as his friend after Pippa sent him a bikini picture of herself on a pristine Caribbean island. Their friendship has now blossomed and the young Congress leader has invited her to accompany him on one of his political excursions to Amethi.
To impress Pippa, Rahul will parachute into a kisan (farmers) rally and then patiently listen to the problems of disgruntled peasants. Later in the evening, Pippa and Rahul will sleep over in a Dalit household. “I am so excited to be accompanying Rahul on this exotic trip to Uttah Prady. I have done the beaches of Carribean, rafted up the Amazon, and photographed wilder beast in the Serengeti but have never been on a wildlife trip to India. Rahul assures me that it will be very exciting… he said the next day we can trek across the country side and get to know the ways of the natives,” said an upbeat Pippa, who dearly yearns to be called the Duchches of Amethi after she ties the knot with India’s prince.
Congress spin-doctors have welcomed the prospect of this union. “Rahul has surpassed his illustrious great-grandfather at least in the romance department. Panditji was on good terms with Edwina Mountbatten, whose husband, Lord Mountbatten, was a good 12 times removed from the British royal throne. Pippa, on the other hand, is the sister of the wife of the future monarch. This proves that the Nehru gene is strong in Rahul,” said Congress spokesperson, Abhishek Manu Singhvi.
However, Mama Sonia is not too keen on this match. For starters, Britain was a barbaric Roman outpost till the 4th Century and Sonia thinks Brits are not as cultured as Italians. But a bigger worry for the Congress President is whether hot blooded Pippa will be able to conform to traditional Indian mores and become a proper desi bahu, a transition that Sonia managed quite well.