US may ‘take out’ S&P, President Obama addresses nation in his 9/11 moment

Filed under: Rest of the World |

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President Obama addresses the nation in the aftermath of the S&P attack

In what is being termed as the defining moment of his Presidency and one of the greatest Presidential war time speeches (editor – economic war in this case), President Obama addressed the nation in the aftermath of Standard & Poor (S&P) cutting America’s sovereign credit rating.

Sitting at his White House Office desk, with a family photo of Michele and the kids poignantly placed in the background, President Obama stared purposefully into the cameras and addressed the nation in a solemn presidential tone:

My fellow Americans, on Friday, August 8th 2011, the American way of life was attacked. In a dastardly and despicable act of cowardice and incompetence, S&P 500 downgraded American’s sovereign credit rating in a bid to intimidate America economically.

This act of economic barbarism has plunged world markets into chaos and attempted to undermine the American way of life.

But the cowards at S&P have failed. Downgrading America’s credit rating will not weaken our resolve …to collectively raise more debt, continue to spend profligately, and keep the American economy chugging along.

America was targeted because it is the beacon of economic freedom and land of choices especially when it comes to credit and..er.. inter-temporal spacing of consumption.

S&P may have tried to sow doubts regarding America’s prudent fiscal management and the foundations of the economy. However, Americans will not be deterred by these acts of economic terror…they will continue to work hard, party hard and take recourse to credit whenever required.

The search is now on for the perpetrators of this vile act. I’ve directed the full resources of our intelligence and law enforcement communities to find those responsible for this heinous act and bring them to justice. We will make no distinction between those who were economically incompetent and those who genuinely believed in their economic analysis.

God bless America.”

Political commentators have labeled this crisis as Obama’s 9/11 and expect him to act boldly and decisively to restore America’s honour and prestige. The Obama administration has now given S&P 24 hours to upgrade America’s sovereign credit rating to AAA+ and apologize to the American people.

If S&P fails to accede unconditionally to the administration’s demands, President Obama will authorize the launch of ‘Operation enduring economic freedom to raise more debt’ under which the S&P leadership will be ‘taken out’. Predator drones have been sent in to reconnoiter the Standard & Poor headquarters located on Water Street, New York. At precisely 013 hours(EST) on August 11th, elite seals may be para-dropped onto the S&P building to ‘neutralize’ high value S&P targets and take control of the area.


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