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Dr. Manmohan Singh has revealed the reasons behind his machine like persona – he deploys a life-like cyborg replica of himself for situations requiring interaction with pesky fellow human beings. “It’s beyond me to suffer those sanctimonious, grating harangues from the likes of Shushmaji in Parliament, yaar. And having to put up with Congress duffers is even worse. Dummy Singh relieves me of these chores,” said Dr. Manmohan Singh, during a Sunday afternoon tete-a-tete with this correspondent at his 7 Race Course residence.
Dummy Singh refers to the X670 bespoke version, custom built to specifications by Sakakibara Kikai Inc, a leading Robotics company. Equipped with a memory of 950 quadrillion bits and computational power of 55 Thz, Dummy has been programmed to stoically sit through Parliamentary sessions, and read out from prepared text. Sight of Madam or Rahul Baba prompts Dummy to do a smart Namaste.
“Dummy Singh attends Parliament, occasionally briefs journos, and of course participates in all the party meetings chaired by Madam where Dummy is simply expected to sit quietly in the corner. This gives me the time to do stuff that I really love such as modeling GDP growth, catching up on articles from the Journal of Developmental Economics, and working with my pals at the Planning Commission to come up with policy road-maps for sustaining 9% growth. Everyone’s happy with this arrangement,” revealed the real Dr. Singh, taking a sip of fine Darjeeling Tea.
“In fact, I sometimes even depute Dummy to brief Madam for our one-on-ones. Dummy simply has to do a Namaste and reel out statistics on the Indian economy. Madam invariably feels stultified and ends the meeting,” chuckled Dr. Singh, passing some cashews to this correspondent.
While this arrangement has worked smoothly so far, there are misgivings within party circles that perhaps the cyborg is too identical to the original. Dummy’s lack of voice modulation and limited range of facial expressions certainly make it difficult to distinguish it from its master. So much so that it’s now increasingly becoming a PR disaster, according to a party insider. The high command might now order some rework on Dummy Singh. “In hindsight, it ought to have not been so identical to Dr. Singh. So we have requested Sakakibara Kikai to put some more ‘life’ into Dummy. While they are at it, we have ordered a cyborg for Madam too since she wants to spend more time out of India from now on. The folks at Sakakibara Kikai believe that making a Madam cyborg will be even easier since Madam emotes or speaks even lesser than Dr. Singh does,” said the Congress leader.