Terrorist fails to detonate bomb, blames weak BSNL signal

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Interrogation revealed that Zalil's handlers may have bought BSNL after seeing Deepika's BSNL ads

In a bewildering turn of events, a terrorist reportedly associated with the Indian Mujhadeen surrendered to the Timbuktu police on Saturday, after his fourth consecutive failure to detonate a bomb. Police sources report that the terrorist, identified later as Zalil Khan, was sobbing uncontrollably and mumbling incoherently when he stumbled into the Tughlaq Road police station, and had to be shifted to the nearby hospital immediately.

From what it appears, the surrender was perpetuated by the terrorist’s extreme disillusionment with the modus operandi that was rendered completely ineffective by the pathetically weak BSNL signals in the target area. Zalil’s statement recorded at the police station reads as follows:  “Whenever I tried the target number, I got the message that ‘all lines in this route are busy, please try later’, and once in a while it said that the number I was dialling is out of range. After the 33^rd attempt, I decided that I don’t want to do this anymore. There is no purpose left in my life now. Hence I surrender.”

While the Timbuktu police have been claiming credit for nabbing Zalil, a constable confided on the condition of anonymity that there was more to the incident than meets the eye. “When the terrorist walked into the police station and announced that he was a terrorist wanting to surrender, everyone started laughing without even looking up from their card games. Only when Zalil threatened to call Aaj Tak or India TV, we took him seriously”

Hours after news of Zalil’s surrender broke on national television, members of the NIA, ATS, CBI and Delhi police swooped in on the Tughlaq Road police station in full strength to interrogate Zalil. After a few hours of confusion, when officials were unable to establish the jurisdiction, first rights to interrogate Zalil were granted to a 2 member FBI squad that arrived on the location.

The incident has thrown up several serious questions that continue to remain unanswered. Firstly, even though the hashtag #ZalilDetonatesTheBombWhen was trending over #JustinBieber and #HarshPanties on Twitter over the past few days, why couldn’t our intelligence agencies not arrest him earlier? And secondly where was the RDX, allegedly to be used for the bombs, hidden? However, Chidambaram has defended his agencies saying, “Twitter trends are usually unintelligible and not being intelligent cannot be equated with not receiving intelligence.”

When The UnReal Times contacted BSNL for comments about this development, a spokesperson said, “While this incident goes to show that there is a definite method behind our madness, we cannot be blamed if users purchase our services only because they have the hots for Deepika Padukone or Preity Zinta.”

Meanwhile, away from all the politics being played on the issue, Zalil is all set to join Kasab in the high security five star prison, and will be taken via the Rs. 2 Crore underground tunnel built especially to service and commute VIP terrorists.

(By our special correspondent Pagla Ghoda with some inputs from The UnReal Team)