UPA Government to table “Right to Girlfriend” bill in Parliament


Now everyone can aspire to be like Ranbir

A day after the Union cabinet cleared the Food Security Bill, the UPA government has announced its decision to also table the ‘Right to Girlfriend’ bill in the current session of Parliament. Purported to be Rahul Gandhi’s brainchild, the concomitant scheme titled ‘Rajiv Gandhi Girlfriend Yojana’ (RAGGY) will guarantee a girlfriend for 100 days a year to every Indian unmarried male below 45 years of age.

“Why should only some guys have all the fun? Social nerds, book-worms, tech-geeks, or even out-and-out losers have a fundamental right to a girlfriend!” screamed Rahul Gandhi during an election rally in Amethi while unveiling the bill’s salient features, drawing wolf whistles and thunderous applause from the assembled crowd.

According to the proposed scheme, a youth can register with his local Gram Panchayat Mukhiya or Municipal Ward Councilor and demand a girlfriend for a specified period of time. The Government in turn has to provide a girlfriend to the beneficiary within 15 days, failing which the beneficiary will be compensated at the rate of Rs. 200 per day for the duration of the agonizing wait. For the purpose of estimating the number of beneficiaries, the Planning Commission has defined the Below Frustration line (BFL) as any normal, unmarried, single Indian male between 18 and 28 who has answered ‘frustrated’ to the NSSO survey question ‘How do you feel about not having a babe?’

Congress leader, Digvijay Singh, has welcomed the proposed scheme and said that the government has the complete support of the party. “Once again, Rahul has taken up a secular issue that resonates with all Indian male youth cutting across religious, social, and economic barriers,” he said. “Even if RAGGY delivers half of what it promises, Rahul will have cemented his reputation as India’s youth icon,” said the veteran Congress leader. Diggy however vehemently rejected suggestions that Rahul might have any vested interest behind this scheme.

Noted psephologist, Yogendra Jadhav, contends that there might be more to the scheme than meets the eye: “First the Food Security Bill may reduce hunger and thereby attenuate popular supports for Anna ji’s fasts. And now this bill could be an instrument to distract Anna’s youthful supporters, thereby weakening the ‘India against Corruption’ movement.”

The bill, however, has been opposed by the Prime Minister’s Economic Advisory Council on the grounds that it is impractical to directly intervene in the market for love. “Chicks are the most unpredictable of economic agents and many might flatly refuse to become girlfriends of some geeky dudes, no matter how hard the Government tries to intervene. I have solid empirical evidence to back this claim based on my own failed attempts to woo members of the fairer sex. So this scheme will indubitably lead to fiscal bankruptcy and poor outcomes,” warned chief economic adviser, Kaushik Basu, in his working paper ‘The Economics of Babe Management’.

Deputy Chairman of the Planning Commission and renowned economist, Montek Singh, on the other hand, has opined that cash transfers are the way to go and single guys should simply be given dating stipends to improve their prospects of finding beaus. This policy prescription has however been thrashed by the National Advisory Council’s Aruna Roy. “If Monty thinks that all it takes is a little cash to impress a lady, then clearly his knowledge of the fairer sex is even poorer than his knowledge of poverty,” hollered the veteran civil society activist.

(Reported by Special Correspondent SR Ramanujam with some inputs from the UnReal Team)

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  • Ram Chandra Neupane

    Funny, Modern India, innovation in the lifestyle!

  • Anil Tripathi

    If it is possible…I will also registered my name after 15 days 200 per day ..wowww.

  • Uncle Mama

    This is totally unfair! UPA has betrayed us, the Senior Uncle Vote base (in the age group 45-47)! We demand that BJP file 32 more amendments to RAGGY and extend the age group to 47

  • soundarya

    this article is too sexist to be funny. i am only astounded that people are commenting favourably to this piece.

  • ashok choudhury

    the girl friend bill was finally passed. all girls of the nation got a 100 days of semi wife experience before marriage . because 100 days were granted as quota many boys stopped wooing their girlfriends everyday. they became certain, complacent and took them for granted. so much so that they even stopped buying everyday chocolate, movie tickets, wine, beer or even joints …even to the most beautiful and deserving. this severely affected the market behavior of the young and hardly they cared to go to the malls , PVR, Restaurant, pub every day. that affected the sales turnover so seriously that many malls , pvrs, restaurants, gift shops , wine shops were closed down. economy drowned and unemployment grew. many girls got into more of depressions as un-cared for house wives secretly felt happy and taunted all sprinters around. this led to high suicides of girls and then of many innocent and ignorant boys who also followed the suit feeling terribly guilty. hospitals were full and police had nightmares in solving cases. psychotherapists raised their prices and some students of lady kriram went on indefinite fast unto death before the most powerful ladies both sonia and pratibha. sonia implored all youth congress members not to have any girl friend and save the nation and assured that if her party win the election she will repeal the bill for sure . but it all happened ulta. instead of living without girl friends youth congress boys started leaving politics .expectation crashed tension grew. many congress leaders made queue before 10 janpath , expressed grave concern but sonia remained unmoved. she had a new plan. if the boys are leaving politics , tell all girls to join. support them to come up and promise them a future.. she told and the strategists promptly accepted it for a sure win in election though some male politicians could see their future dying soon but kept mum before the high command. million of girls jumped to join politics and pollster predicted a new vote pattern and a sure win for sonia and her party. all educated girls could see a future in this power shift and influenced all their ignorant sisters to join the movement and vote for the party …so that one day they will take the revenge having 66% reservation for women in all legislatures against all those who failed to give them only 33% even if a woman like us called sonia wanted it. millions girls and women came out …as if from every home … and indian politics took a different turn. knowing the growing unity among young girls and old women , many political parties gave more ticket to women. this gave sonia another chance to kick out all male criminals, corrupt, mafias and musclemen and give tickets to sober, beautiful, dutiful, compassionate girls and old women …all in the name of strengthening the party’s win prospect. election results were out. it was all women from every where. naturally. the poll arithmetic worked with just women numbers… the parliament became full of mostly women and sonia, mamta, jaya were so happy. there came a new , far more honest, efficient, caring and compassionate government that worked well and india started prospering not by years but by hours. the economy grew. malls, pvrs. restaurants etc came back in more numbers. the only difference is …before , in malls the boys used to spend for girls …now girls stars spending more for boys.
    and the parliament just passed yet another good bill. the right to have two boy friends for every girl. this also worked well for both. girls felt more liberated, earned more and spent more on boys …and boys repented why the hell they ever dared to take girl friends for granted and stopped buying gifts for them …
    later on it became a subject -case study- in history, economics, political science, sociology and psychology only to be taught in all universities of the world.
    … to be continued…

  • ps

    This is just GROSS, sexist and immoral. Rahul Gandhi cannot qualify himself as a civil man let alone a leader. Disappointing.