India has decided to finally get tough with China in wake of an Indian diplomat, S Balachandran, getting ‘manhandled’ by appointing famed Indian wrestler, The Great Khali, as the new Indian ambassador to China. The Great Khali has been mandated to personally intervene if similar incidents occur and also forcefully put across India’s point of view regarding Chinese provocations, whether it is clandestine help to Pakistan, alleged diversion of Brahmaputra waters, non-recognition of Arunachal Pradesh or big brotherly treatment in general.
Khali was initially reluctant to accept the honour given that he is linguistically challenged – the burly Indian wrestler prefers physical to verbal form of communication. However, MEA officials assuaged his concerns by explaining that he can conduct diplomacy for his country by thumping his Chinese counterparts to which the WWE star agreed.
Indian officials hailed Khali’s appointment as the beginning of a new chapter in Sino-Indian relations, called ‘Hindi-Chini Bham-Bham’. “Man, finally the Indian elephant can see eye to eye with the dragon. They may have 9% growth, a larger army, bigger missiles, but we have Khali,” exulted foreign affairs secretary, John Mathai.
This Indian muscle flexing has set off alarm bells in Beijing after the Chinese premier, Wen Jiabo, was informed that Khali is just another average Punjabi dude in terms of physical profile. “We better stop f**king around with India and be sweet instead,” said premier Jiabo, who is now championing ‘Hind- chini- cheene’ as the new mantra of bilateral ties between the Asian giants.
When an UnReal Times‘ reporter asked for the Great Khali’s reaction, the wrestler roared “Haramjaadon ko dekh lunga!” before proceeding to execute a two handed choke-slam on our hapless reporter.