Jarawa elder downplays fears that his community may embrace modernity and its concomitant ills

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Dumpaki leading his merry men on a hunt

Prominent Jarawa leader, Dumpaki, has scotched fears that his tribe is on the verge of shedding its Stone Age hunter-gatherer way of life for the trappings of modernity. These fears were heightened after a video posted on the Sunday Guardian showed some Jarawa youth dancing for tourists and even taking food from them.

“Dude, that was just the gang de-stressing after a boar hunt and having some fun with some crazy Indian tourists, who I am told can be very funny and apelike. Believe me, we have no interest in getting civilized,” said Dumpaki indignantly to The UnReal Times Andaman correspondent, Subroto Chatterjee.

The venerable septuagenarian went on to assert why their primitiveness is far superior to whatever is out there. “Look dude, after extensively studying feudalism, socialism, capitalism and all other isms, I have come to the firm conclusion that the hunter-gatherer subsistence way of social organization is the best. Under this system, people can eat, sleep, shit and f**k whenever they feel like it.”

Dumpaki is especially glad that his community does not have to suffer the ravages of inflation or unemployment. “Actually, we do track the GDP of our forest and we are clocking 20% growth per annum with 0% inflation and 0% unemployment, thank you very much. So we don’t see the need of integrating with the Indian or world economy,” said Dumpaki, who is a firm votary of localization over globalization. “The sardar [Editor: Dumpaki may have meant Dr. Manmohan Singh or perhaps Monty] just doesn’t get it.”

Dumpaki admitted that some of the younger members of the tribe are occasionally tempted to migrate out of the reserve forest to lead ‘normal lives’. “I simply show them pictures of their counterparts in Bangalore, Noida and other shitty cities toiling away in their cubicles for thankless, mind-numbing white collar jobs. That invariably scares the shit out of the Jarawa youth and they wisely refrain from running away,” disclosed the Jarawa elder, chuckling to himself.

Dumpaki however bemoans one facet of modernity that has sullied the otherwise pristine Jarawa way of life – Facebook. “It’s f**king crazy man! Now the kids ‘connect’ to each other through that accursed social networking site rather than face to face even when they happen to be sitting on the same branch! Sigh….”

PS: UnReal correspondent, Subroto, has gone AWOL after filing this report.

(Inspired by this article from Spoof)