BJP MP and Rahul’s first cousin, Varun Gandhi, today woke up to find Dr. Manmohan Singh, Pranab da, Chidu, Diggy, and other leading Congress luminaries waiting in Varun’s drawing room to ‘await his direction, leadership and vision’.
“Wow guys, what can I do for you?” asked a groggy eyed and bewildered Varun.
“No, Varun ji, what can we do for you?” responded Dr. Manmohan Singh, anxious to make a good first impression.
“Please at least sit down. You are making me nervous,” cried the young BJP MP, pinching himself to check whether he was dreaming.
“Don’t make us nevoush by ashking ush to shit in your preshence (sic),” chirped Pranab da, not one to lose an opportunity to score valuable brownie points with Varun, much to the discomfiture of the Home Minister. “Do you want shome Roshgullas?
“I think Varun ji would prefer a wholesome South Indian snack. If I may,” sneered Chidu, determined to prevent the delicate balance of power shifting in favour of his Bengali rival.
Varun didn’t realize then that he had been anointed the new Congress president because other members of the first family remain indisposed to manage party affairs for varying reasons: Sonia has gone abroad for treatment and heir apparent, Rahul, who is exhausted after hectic campaigning for the UP Assembly polls, is on indefinite vacation with explicit instructions that he ‘doesn’t want to be bugged while he is chilling out’. To make matters worse, Priyanka also refused to step in and fill the leadership vacuum citing family commitments such as helping ‘the children with homework and gardening’. Pleas to spare young Rehan to call the shots induced Priyanka to abruptly disconnect her mobile, forcing the rudderless party high command to approach the late Sanjay Gandhi’s son.
However, one Congress member who is extremely pissed with the turn of events is Robert Vadhera. “No body even bothered asking whether I was interested! After all, I am the Indian Zardari. What the f***?!?” screamed the first son-in-law, who has now decided to merge his family surname ‘Vadhera’ with ‘Gandhi’ to ensure that he is not over-looked next time the Gandhis go AWOL.
However, the amalgamation could throw up electorally detrimental dynastic names, according to famous psephologist, Jogendra Jadhav. “If Robert changes the family name to Gandhi + Vadhera = Gadhera, he can kiss good bye to the Hindi heartland, Rajdeep. On the other hand, Vadhera + Gandhi = Vandhi (vomit in most South Indian languages) is definitely unappetizing to South Indians. It’s a catch-22 for Priyanka’s definitely-not-better half, I am afraid,” observed Mr. Jadhav on CNN-IBN.
As a compromise, Robert might change his family name to the rather anglicized ‘Gandera’. “Now only people with sick minds will find fault with that name,” said Robert, hinting at the dawn of a new era in dynastic politics.