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After hiring an Allahabad based engineering student for a whopping Rs. 1.34 crore annual pay package, the world’s premier social networking site, Facebook, is in the news again, this time for considering Vijay Mallya’s job application.
Sources say that the top brass at Facebook, comprising Mark Zuckerburg, Sheryl Sandberg, David Ebersman and Donald Graham were highly impressed on seeing Mallya’s resume, not in the least because it came with a picture of a scantily clad babe in an exotic location with a python around her neck, which Mark felt was an indicator of Mallya’s highly refined aesthetic sense.
The interview call is a life-line for Dr Mallya, who is struggling to pay the salaries of Kingfisher Airlines staff. “Man, its cool that someone is bidding for me rather than the other way around. From being an avid socialite to transforming into an equally avid asocial social networking engineer, life will come full circle,” mused the UB chairman, who, in a burst of spontaneous exuberance, shot off another letter to KF employees. This epistle reads as follows:
Further to my correspondence, I am pleased to announce that I also intend to take up a regular job and earn a salary by putting in some donkey’s work occasionally. That should stop you guys from bitching about feeling miserable while I allegedly have a good time.
My only focus now, apart from watching RCB matches, is to start paying your seriously overdue salaries.
All junior staff will be paid before Easter, i.e. on Wednesday April 4th but after the IPL opening ceremony on April 3rd. Remaining staff may be paid on April 8th, 10th, 13th and 16th.
For your kind information, we have RCB matches coming up on April 7th, 9th, 12th and 15th
Despite the adversities plaguing KF in the face of monumental mismanagement, we have managed to honor the contracts of RCB players and prevented KF debtors from laying their hands on my personal wealth or tapping into the assets of other companies owned by me. For this, all the credit goes to each one of you who have gone to great personal sacrifice for the best interests of RCB your company and yours truly your guests.
If it is of any solace to you, I will be spending less time partying and starting this week, despite being busy with IPL matches, I’ll be online on Facebook if you want to bitch about what it feels like to not get paid.
So please f***ing get back to your jobs and stop whining. After all, it’s about having pride and self-respect.
I look forward to your continued commitment for which I am truly amazed.
Proud owner of Royal Challengers Bangalore
Member of Bangalore Gymkhana, Delhi Gymkhana, and other prestigious clubs including Parliament
PS: If RCB wins the IPL this year, you chaps can expect a bonus.
PPS: Will shortly upload some of the latest KF calendar pics shot by Atul on FB; these ones feature scantily clad babes posing in the Atacama desert (please don’t ask me where that is)
Speculations are rife that Mallya would have to undergo a couple of phone-screen interviews, after which he will be flown to the company’s headquarters at Menlo park for nearly eight to nine face-to-face interviews. Mallya was relieved when he came to know that the call charges for the phone-screen interviews will be borne by Facebook, as they would be the ones making the call. “Thank God they’re calling ! The very thought of personally having to mobilize funds for a slew of long-duration ISD calls scares the sh*t outta me!” exclaimed a relieved Mallya.
To prepare for the interviews, Mallya has been watching “The Social Network”, the Academy Award winning biographical movie about the company. “The first recruits were tested on how well they could fare under the influence of alcohol. Sweet! I hope I’m judged in the same manner – it will be a cakewalk for me!” an excited told The Unreal Times.
(Reported by special correspondent, Ashwin S Kumar)