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Amidst much hype and fanfare over the seemingly soon to be discovered Higgs-Boson or the “God particle”, Indian politician and Congress general secretary has stunned the nation, by announcing the discovery of his own version of “The God particle”, or the “Diggs-RaSon” particle as he calls it.
Addressing the mainstream media outside his residence, Singh said, “I wanted to announce this a couple of days ago. But damn! I was not authorized to do so. After explaining my discovery to the High Command and having thereby received authorization, here I am, revealing to the world the existence of the Diggs-RaSon particle.”
“First of all, it is named after myself and my Gods, Rahul ji and Sonia ji. This particle is unique in the world and exists only in the craniums of the rarest of personalities like myself, Rahul ji and Sibal ji. This particle has a special chemical composition of hydrogen sulphide, nitrous oxide, carbon monoxide among others, that, under normal human body conditions, strongly repels neurons and causes them to stay away from the brain, thereby preventing transfer of vital sensible information, leading to abnormal functioning of the brain. This particle is responsible for making us speak the way we do and the nitrous oxide is probably what makes people laugh at us like they do whenever we speak.”
Rumour mills have it that Singh also met former president and scientist Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam in this regard. Dr.Kalam readily agreed to approve his research, as he was constitutionally bound to do it and had no other option. There has, however, been no official statement from Dr.Kalam yet. Singh also said that he was invited to present his research in an international IEEE Nuclear Physics conference in Russia, but had to turn it down on “moral grounds”. When asked what he meant by “moral grounds”, Singh smiled and asked, “Dude, seriously, of all places, RuSSia?”
However, Janata party president Dr.Subramanian Swamy rubbished Singh’s research, tweeting, “Here’s Swamy’s research – everything on earth is made up of Protons, Neutrons and Electrons. But Congress is made up of Morons.”
(Reported by special correspondent, Ashwin S Kumar)