After 26/11, Pakistan blames India for Kargil as well since Musharraf was born in India

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Musharraf may try his luck in India after chances of contesting Pakistani elections appear increasingly bleak

After claiming that there was an Indian behind the dastardly 26/11 Mumbai terrorist attack, Pakistan Interior Minister Rehman Malik went on to blame India for the Kargil misadventure as well on the grounds that General Pervez Musharraf, the chief architect of the 1999 border conflict, was born in India.

“You blamed Pakistan for 26/11. It turns out the master-mind of the attacks, Abu Jindal, was an out and out Indian. You blamed Pakistan for the Kargil misadventure.  But where was General Musharraf born? In Delhi,” revealed Rehman Malik.

“In fact, we blame India for the mess Pakistan finds itself in because General Zia, whose policies are blamed for Pakistani society’s radicalization, was also born on the Indian side of the border, Jalandhar,” claimed  the Pakistani interior minister, who is fast attaining a reputation as the ‘Pakistani Diggy’, on the sidelines of the ongoing Indo-Pak secretary level talks.

Malik’s ingenious analysis of the Indianness of prominent Pakistanis may have no takers on either side of the border but has resonated with General Pervez Musharraf, who, after unsuccessfully trying to mount a comeback on the Pakistani national scene, has decided to try his luck in Indian politics instead and has approached the Congress high command for a ticket to contest the 2014 General Elections.

Political analysts say General Musharraf’s chances of becoming the next Indian President, even Prime Minister, are quite high. “From being an American stooge, he has to become a stooge of the Gandhis. And his ability to bull-s**** with élan is world renowned,” said noted political scientist, Yogendra Yadav.

General Musharraf is rapidly learning the rules of the game. “I was initially puzzled by people asking me if I was secular. I didn’t know what that meant until Diggy gave me a simple working definition: being opposed to the candidature of Narendra Modi and catatonically blaming the RSS for terrorist attacks in India. Hey, I can do that quite well,” said the former Pakistan army chief, who has requested all pending cases against him in Pakisant to be transferred to Indian courts.

“They tell me in India one never gets convicted or acquited. Cases just go on and on. India rocks and there is so much Pakistan can learn from India on the judicial front,” he chuckled.

However, the blunt talking Army commando nearly jeopardized his nascent Indian political career after being introduced to Rahul’s Afghan girlfriend during a cock-tail party.

“You Afghans can never be trusted. You are almost as bad as the Indians,” the General, known to speak his mind, blurted out, leading to silence and suppressed gasps from onlookers. Fortunately, Rahul thought it was a funny joke and burst out laughing leading to relief all round.

The General has been advised to be more careful and discreet in the presence of the Gandhis. “Think of them like the Americans and be at your duplicitous, sycophantic best during your interactions with them and you should do well in the party,” was the advice given to him by a veteran leader to avoid such gaffes in the future.

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