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With the monsoon playing truant with India thus far this year – cumulative rainfall in the country has been 71% below normal and overall storage in reservoirs stands at 57% of last year’s level – The Unreal Times weather team led by chief correspondent, Ebenezer Forecastwalla, caught up with Lord Indra, God of thunder and rain, at a road side dhaba somewhere in Central India for a chat. In a departure from his elegant, spiffy appearance, the Vedic deity, sporting a week old stubble, appeared sullen and irritable.
“Thanks for sparing your valuable time, Indiraji,” we began hesitantly, after exchanging pleasantries.
“No problem, fellas. Can you call me Sachin, by the way,” requested Indra gruffly.
“But Sachin is the God of Cricket. And you, sir, are merely the God of…..Thunder,” we gasped.
“Aaargh..does no one know anymore that he was named after me,” shrieked Indra and did a face-palm. “Never mind, what do you want to talk about?”
“Thanks, sir. To start with, what’s the reason for your miserable performance this year? You have been a bigger underachiever than even Dr. Manmohan Singh, you know,” we asked, as we settled down and ordered cool drinks.
“I am a little er…under the weather this time around, chaps. Some issues with El-Nino. You know how difficult ladies can be to deal with. The mojo is missing now,” answered Indira gloomily, as the waiter gingerly placed 2 bottles of Thums-Up on the table. “I wish I could just drink this and say ‘aaj kuch toofani karte hain’ but I’m not a star like Mahesh Babu. I’m merely the God of Thunder with all the associated frailties and imperfections that divinity entails,” he sighed.
“We understand, sir. But on the other hand, the livelihood of over 500 million Indians is dependent on you being on top of things. Can’t you get your mojo up?” we implored.
“Sorry, guys. Can’t you give me a pass this year and place the blame on that Manmohan chap instead. I believe he gets blamed for everything that’s wrong with the Indian economy,” pleaded Indra.
“Sir, that would be stretching things a little too far. Poor man anyway takes the rap for overall slowdown of the economy but to blame him for a weak monsoon also would be unfair, no?” we cried.
“Arre yaar, just blame my no-show on the Eurozone crisis then and cut me some slack, ok,” brusquely shrugged the God of storms and heavy rain, indicating that he did not want to discuss this touchy topic anymore.
“Hmmm..ok, sir. One final request. Any feel good message you would like to convey to the youth of India for the rest of the season?”
“Hmm… yeah, just one. Pyaas badhao. Aur Paseena Bahao… phir mard banke match jitao. Hope that helps,” chirped Indraji, as we paid the bill and cleared out.