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After deciding to sell off Kingfisher’s non-core assets such as the Kingfisher House in Mumbai and Vijay Mallya’s villa in Goa, bankers along with liquor baron announced their decision to auction off Vijay Mallya’s son Siddharth Mallya as part of their debt recovery process.
The decision was taken at a bankers’ meeting on Tuesday, led by the State Bank of India (SBI). SBI chairman Pratip Choudhary said, “Yes, Kingfisher approached us yesterday with a proposal to liquidate this unutilized asset. After meeting with the other bankers and going through the Kingfisher balance sheet, we decided that something is better than nothing and indicated our approval.”
A bullish Vijay Mallya, emerged from the meeting and flashed the V-sign to the gathered reporters. “I would like to tell the Kingfisher shareholders that we are working hard to solve the airline’s cash problems, and it will only be weeks before we resume normal operations and soon thereafter go on to become the number one airline in the world!” announced the King of Good Times.
Later, speaking to The UnReal Times, Mallya reasoned, “If Saurabh Tiwari and Vinay Kumar can fetch crores, then I am sure we’ll fetch far more for a handsome, capable and well-rounded lad like Sid.” When this UnReal Times correspondent reminded Mr. Mallya that it was he who had paid crores for the two cricketers, and wondered aloud on who would buy Siddharth Mallya, the King of Good Times shot back, “Nonsense! There’s such high demand for him. We have already received offers from several national and international call centers, a few dance bars in Mumbai, Luke Pomersbach’s residence and Simi Garewal’s residence. We are just waiting for the right buyer.”
Predictably, news of this development set Twitter afire, with ‘Sid Mallya’, ‘Father India’ and the hashtag #WhoWillBuySidMallya making the top 10 trends. A section of the Tweeters revelled in cracking various Sid Malla jokes, another section praised Vijay Mallya for the decision, while yet another section ignored the incident and stuck to trolling Sagarika Ghose, Rajdeep Sardesai and other mainstream journalists.
The majority of Tweeters, however, bemoaned the poor financial sense of Indian bankers. “This is exactly the kind of muddled thinking that led the banks to invest in Kingfisher in the first place. These bankers cannot tell the difference between assets and liabilities!” tweeted Venture Capitalist Mahesh Murthy.
Sid Mallya himself eventually responded to the development with the following tweet. “Been receiving some tweets about some Vijay Mallya trying to sell me. Who is he? Some businessman of sorts? Pipe down love, there’re two sides to every story.”
(Reported by special correspondent, Ashwin S Kumar with inputs from the UnReal Team)