Interview with Mr. Higgs-Boson, the elusive God Particle

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A non-anthropomorphic representation of Mr. Higgs-Boson

Scientists at CERN in Europe recently claimed that they may have found proof that the Higgs Boson aka the God Particle exists. What Ho! recently caught up with the elusive Higgs boson in a dimly lit corner of a cafe in Casablanca, where the God Particle agreed to speak on the record. Here’s what I heard.

Q: I’ve got to ask you this first. What’s with all the secrecy, elusiveness, mystery and intrigue? Why this drama? Why don’t you make it easy for the CERN blokes to find you?

A: I’m right here, baby. If you or the scientist blokes can’t find me, then you’re probably looking in the wrong place for the wrong reasons.

Q: Hmm, that wasn’t helpful at all. Are you really the *God* particle? I’ve heard that Peter Higgs, the Brit scientist who first fantasized about you, hates that name. Any truth to the rumor that you guys don’t get along well? What do you like to be called?

A: Hey, who doesn’t like to be called God? Do you guys have any idea how hard it is to be a creator? I’ve got no problems with the name. Look, Peter’s a great guy. We get along pretty well. But, you have to understand that I’ve been around a lot longer than him, and he does not have sole naming rights over me. By the way, who is Bose? Is he the guy makes the speakers?

Q: Whoa, hey. That was not nice. Are you telling me that you haven’t heard of Satyendranath Bose? Never mind. Let’s come back to your elusiveness. You are a dodgy character, aren’t you? I mean, there are guys out there firing 20 million electrons per second through 20 km long tunnels and they are not still not sure if they’ve found you. Where exactly do you hang out?

A: Like everyone, I like my privacy. Yes, there are those moments I prefer not to be disturbed. At such times, I usually resort to parking myself in un-findable places or things. There are lots of un-findable things and places in this universe.

Q: A lot of un-findable places and things? I’m curious. Like what?

A: How about a Congress party worker’s spinal column? Or John Abraham’s acting skills? Or, for that matter, logic in anything Kapil Sibal has to say. These are great examples of things that don’t exist. Want me to go on?

Q: No, please don’t. I think we’re good. But, tell me. What’s your favorite hide-out?

A: That’s a tough one. I find great peace when I go to Google+. No one’s ever on there. On the other hand, if there’s one place in this universe that cannot be found, it’s an Indian politician’s Swiss bank account.

Q: You are the God particle. I think I speak for everyone when I say that I have a hard time visualizing or conceptualizing you. Are you a wave? Are you a particle? Are you a string? Are you this gooey invisible liquid present everywhere? Are you some sort of an energy field? What’s a good way to think about you?

A: Well, think of me as Manmohan Singh’s voice. You all know it’s there somewhere. It’s just that you haven’t seen evidence of it yet. Hey, that just gave me another idea for a hiding place.

Q: You are the God particle. Is there anything you cannot do?

A: Are you kidding me? What kind of a question is that? I can do it all, baby! There’s nothing I can’t do.

Q: Ok wise guy, explain Digvijay Singh. Why does he do what he does?

A: Damn! You got me. That I can’t do.

(Reproduced with permission from Laughing Gas. Read about his book ’3 Lives’ here)

Related posts:

1. Temple built for Higgs-Boson God particle in Tamil Nadu, devotees throng to get darshan
2. Didi demands HiggsBoson be renamed Higgs-Bongo since credit should go to all Bengalis, not just Bose
3. In search of (the) God (particle)
4. Digvijay Singh discovers his own ‘God Particle’: the Diggs-RaSon particle