Times Now editor-in-chief Arnab Goswami did the unthinkable yesterday – he forgot his wedding anniversary and, for a change, found himself at the receiving end of Mrs. Goswami’s ire in a heated exchange that seemed straight out of one of his Newshour debates.
The UnReal Times presents the transcript of this entertaining episode:
Arnab turns the key, and pushes the door open ever so slowly so as to avoid waking up his wife. He lets himself into the hall, switches on the light, turns around and inhales sharply. Mrs. Goswami is sitting at a table with a large television screen behind her.
Wife: Mr. Goswami, thank you for joining us on the show tonight. We hope you can answer the burning question on everyone’s minds today.
Arnab: Er.. honey.. whats up?
Mrs. Goswami presses a button on her remote. The television screen behind her comes to life, displaying a video from what appears to be their wedding function.
Wife: Mr. Goswami, can you see the images playing in the studio? What does this remind you of Mr. Goswami? Because the nation demands an answer, Mr. Goswami.
Arnab (mutters unders his breath): Oh shit, marr gaya (walks to his wife with outstretched arms) Happy Anniversary darling!
Wife (pushes him away): It is 20 hours too late, Mr. Goswami. Why the delay in action, Mr. Goswami? (Turns away from Arnab to look straight ahead) Viewers must know that Times Now was the first to report on this. (turns back to Arnab) Women of this country are counting on husbands like you. What sort of confidence do you give to the women of this country, Mr. Goswami?
Arnab (tries to hug her again): Chhodo na darling. Lets drink some wine to celebrate…
Wife (indignantly): Mr. Goswami, are you trying to avoid my question?
Arnab (defensively): No…no…darling…
Wife (interrupts): What makes you think you can get away with this ghastly act?
Arnab (looks around frantically trying to think of something): I.. I.. I was busy all day today, darling… didn’t have a moment to think, let alone make a phone call.
Wife (continuing in the indignant tone): Is that so, Mr. Goswami? I have with me a paper that gives the exact break up of time for your various activities today. (Waves around a piece of paper triumphantly) And according to this paper you had 4 hours, 37 minutes and 14 seconds of free time in total, Mr. Goswami. You could have called up your wife to wish her during any of these minutes, Mr. Goswami.
Arnab looks at his wife open-mouthed in shock
Wife: And that’s not all. Joining the show is Mr. Ramkishen your driver, and Ms. Mini Chopra, your personal assistant at the studio.
The television screen behind her splits into two panels and the two panelists appear in either one of them. Arnab rubs his eyes in disbelief
Wife: Let me get in Mr. Ramkishen first. Mr. Ramkishen, Mr. Goswami blames his busy schedule for his inability to exercise his duties towards his better half. What do you say to that?
Ramkishen (shakes his head): Mrs. Goswami, I am shocked by Mr. Goswami’s statement. I cannot believe he can plunge to such depths and defend such a blatant dereliction of his domestic duties. I demand the strictest action on him for this misdemeanor.
Arnab (mutters under his breath): Saale Ramkishen, tujhe dekh loonga mein
Mini Chopra raises her hand from the other panel
Wife: Ms. Chopra wants to make a point. Let me get back to your Mr. Ramkishen. Yes, Miss Mini, what is your view?
Mini: Actually, Mr. Goswami isn’t wrong when he says he didn’t have time. (Arnab’s eyes light up in hope) According to his schedule…
Wife (interrupting ferociously): Are you trying to defend his deplorable actions, Ms. Chopra?
Mini (defensively): No, all I am saying is..
Wife (continues in her ferocious tone, as Arnab slumps in resignation): His ghastly actions have caused no end of pain to his family. Are you justifying them?
Mini (defensively): Hear me out.. hear me out..
Wife (interrupts again): I’ll come back to you Mini. Let me quickly get in Ramkishen
Ramkishen (agitated): People like Mini Chopra are the reason why the country is in such a bad condition. Make no mistake, when the year-end appraisal comes up, the people of this country will teach her a lesson…
Mini (interrupts, equally agitated): It is because of drivers like you that, people like Mr. Goswami are not able to…
Wife: Let him speak… let him speak…
The two panelists start fighting with each other, while Mr. and Mrs. Goswami look on helplessly. Arnab walks over to his wife and puts an arm around her.
Arnab (whispers to his wife): Happy Anniversay darling.
Wife (finally relents and smiles): Happy Anniversary to you too.
The two melt in each other’s arms.
Arnab: By the way, do me a favour, will you honey?
Arnab: Don’t watch my show from now on…
The two switch off the television and walk away, muttering sweet nothings to each other. And all’s well in Arnab Goswami’s household. Time for a commercial break…..