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Putting aside their intense professional rivalries, egos and obsession with garnering TRPs and eye-balls, the leading lights of television journalism – Rajdeep Sardesai, Sagarika Ghose, Arnab Goswami, Karan Thapar and others – have signed up to become members of the Mainstream Media (MSM) Avengers, a team of super-heroes that will battle the ills ravaging society by night while dutifully analyzing, sermonizing, and outraging about such travesties as news-anchors by day.
The initiative is the brain-child of media baron, Prannoy Roy, who pulled off the incredible feat of persuading these worthies to come together in the national interest to battle injustice rather than confining themselves to merely hyper-ventilating about the same on their talk-shows.
Each of them brings a unique super-human trait to the table. Sagarika, for instance, will take on the bad guys by engaging them in FTN style discussions and proceed to mind-f*** them with her inane, face-palm inducing observations and inferences. Better half, Rajdeep, will reprise Iron Man, replete with eccentric ‘goodnight’ tweets and generous swigs from Old Monk to keep himself recharged as he proceeds to interrogate evil-doers.
Karan Thapar will fittingly emulate the God of Thunder, Thor. “I’m known for my faarting debating skills. So Prannoy sir wants me to be at my annoying best as the Norse God,” disclosed Thapar.
Such powers may be effective when engaging inept and inarticulate politicos but may fall flat when dealing with a whole mob of goons, such as those that recently molested a woman in Guwahati. “Not to worry, we have the Arnab,” calmly replied Prannoy Roy. “If he can outrage so much from his studio, imagine what will happen to him if he actually witnesses a crime first-hand? It’s a given that he’ll transform into a raging, green goliath and proceed to blow them away with his outrage.”
Rahul Kanwal, the
dumb callow chap from Headlines Today who usually gets overlooked by viewers during channel surfing, has no extra-ordinary trait to boast of and so has been rightly cast as the desi version of Captain America. To his credit, he has a large heart and can cop it from his more cocky peers.
Fed up with Rajdeep frequently preening about CNN-IBN being the number 1 channel, Rahul mustered up the courage to ask: “Take away CNN-IBN and what are you?” Without batting an eye-lid, Rajdeep riposted, “Good-night tweeter, Old Monk aficionado, and Sagarika’s better half,” leaving Kanwal dumbfounded.
However, for all their collective might, the MSM Avengers are highly vulnerable in one respect. Uttering the words “Time for a commercial break” will make them immediately cease their verbal parries and collectively go into a dream like trance for a couple of minutes, giving their opponents ample time to recover.