Zuckerberg to rename Facebook as Fakebook after discovering 83 mn fake accounts, 420 mn fake people

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It is official – the world’s biggest social networking site, Facebook.com will soon be called Fakebook.com. After disclosing that 83 million accounts, roughly 9% of Facebook’s base of 955 million active users are fake, CEO Mark Zuckerberg has fired another salvo, revealing that nearly 420 million people among the remaining 872 million genuine users are, in fact, very fake people.

“I hereby announce that your favorite social networking website, the equivalent of oxygen for many people in the world, Facebook, is officially going to be called Fakebook hereafter. We were working on filtering out fake accounts when the idea struck me. Why not find out the number of people who have their own, genuine Facebook account, but pretend to be completely different personalities? To each genuine FB user, we sent out small questionnaires to random friends in his friend list. These friends anonymously rated the user on various personal aspects from which we computed the difference between his real-life personality and his Facebook personality. Based on this data, we found that as many as 420 million, which amounts to almost half of our genuine FB population exhibit a difference of up to 90% between their real-life and FB personalities! I guess it is time to write a tiny little sequel to Shakespeare’s saying – All the world’s a stage, and we’re merely actors. Facebook’s the true stage and we’re great actors, playing diametrically opposite parts to the ones we play in the universe”, explained Zuckerberg.

Zuckerberg’s revelation drew praise from unlikely quarters – Pakistan’s President Asif Zardari. “Aah! People are 90% different from their real selves! I knew it,” he tweeted.

Justifying his rationale to change the name, Zuckerberg continued, “It all makes perfect sense. Why do we see a lot of girls hating each other to the core and constantly bitching about each other in real life, but liking each other’s Facebook profile picture and complimenting them lavishly with cute hearts and smilies? Oh yeah, the muahs too! Darn, how did I forget that?! Also, quite a few girls who have just broken up confess to lavishly praising a new guy on FB, just to get back at their exes and thereby, misleading the poor new guy, only to break up with him later!

This happens with men too! Why do sworn enemies like each other’s achievements on FB, congratulate and exclaim how proud they are of each other, while they’re busy showering their choicest of curses within and crying out ‘How the hell did that happen?’ Why is there a saying that a person always has his best pictures on his Facebook account and the worst ones on his driving license or ID cards? Why does almost every other online relationship that begins on Facebook end up in a break-up or a divorce once the couple begins to spend time in the real world? Our name change seeks to put an end to all these vexing questions.”

Linkedin CEO Jeff Weiner also agreed with Zuckerberg. “All social networking sites are fake. Look at our site – does anyone ever upload their real resume, bereft of all fake proficiencies? Never,” he exclaimed.

However, Google’s Larry Page begs to differ, observing, “This phenomenon of social networking sites being choked with fake accounts that keep hearing of does not apply to us. There are no fake people on Orkut or on Google+, as there are no people at all.”

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