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The UPA II government is confronting the worst crisis of its 3 year rule with key ally, the CBI (Central Bureau of Investigation), threatening to withdraw support and walk out of the coalition.
Confirming the development, CBI Director Shri A P Singh said, “Pak gaya yaar. Don’t want our agency to be perceived as a UPA lackey anymore and would rather that we do our own thing. My friend and leader of [Comptroller Auditor General of India], Shri Vinod Rai, tells me it’s much more fun to be anti-establishment.”
Although the UPA does not need the CBI’s support as far as numbers in Parliament are concerned, the premier investigation agency’s role as the government’s chief instrument for keeping fractious allies in check and neutralizing political opponents has been crucial in ensuring the survival of the UPA II government.
Pressing the panic button, the Congress Working Committee has convened an emergency meeting to tide over the crisis. “You take away the CBI and we are finished, man. Mulayam, Karunanidhi, Mayawati and others will walk rough-shod over us now but that’s the least of our worries,” said an extremely agitated senior congress leader.
Seasoned Congress trouble-shooters are holding hectic backroom negotiations to prevent the CBI from reading CAG reports such as the recent audit of the PMO’s allocation of coal blocks and getting fancy ideas about what line of investigation to pursue.
“The collapse of the grid was no big deal. But take away CBI from us and there will be complete collapse of power,” wailed newly anointed Home Minister Shinde.
Former Union Home Minister Chidambaram crossed himself and muttered, “Forgive them Father, for this time they really know not what they do,” when informed about the CBI having gone rogue.
The CBI’s exit from the UPA has led to politically fluid situation with the NDA and smaller parties bending over backwards to court the agency. “Ever since I announced our exit from UPA, my office has been inundated with calls from Pawarji, Karunanidhiji, Mulayamji, Yedyurappaji, and many others seeking pre-poll alliances. But we would rather go it alone. Have had enough of working under politicians,” disclosed A P Singh.