TRANSCRIPT: Mamata Banerjee participates in Derek O’Brien’s Bournvita Quiz Contest

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Mamata had a great time at the Bournvita Quiz Contest

After a particularly tiring day where she met with thousands of farmers and addressed their concerns, the West Bengal CM, Mamata Banerjee decided to chill out by walking into Derek O’ Brien’s studio. An UnReal Times reporter happened to record the events…

Derek: Hello everyone! Welcome to another episode of Cadbury’s Bournvita Quiz Contest! Let me introduce the teams participating today – Ram and Shyam from the DAV Public School, Chennai; Nikita and Natasha from the Delhi Public School, Mathura Road; Ashwin and Nithin from the Bishop Cotton Boys’ School, Bangalore and last, but not the least, Subhodip and Debdutta from La Martiniere school, Kolkata… Lets hear it for the team from Kolkata, ladies and gentlemen!

Crowd applauds for 10 seconds. The participants from Kolkata look bemused while those from Chennai, Delhi and Bangalore look shocked

Derek (catches the expression on their faces): Oh! I’m sorry, a round of applause for the other teams as well

Crowd applauds for another 10 seconds

Derek: Ok, that’ll do, Thank you! (shuffles the deck of quiz cards in his hands) Alright then, let’s get the ball rolling with the first round.. Question 1

Suddenly there’s a commotion in the rear section of the audience. Half a dozen gunmen barge through the door behind the audience, and take positions at all corners of the studio. Mamata Banerjee saunters down the aisle with her nose in the air

Didi: Derek!

Derek (shaken): Oh! Didi! What a surprise! (hastily adjusts his hair)

Didi (smiling): Aapni ki korchen? What you do?

Derek: I’m hosting a quiz, Didi… Aami ekta game khelchi

Didi (jumping and clapping): Wow! Aami o khelbo?! I wheel also play!

Derek (stammers): Umm..wh..wh..why not? Please have seat Didi!

Mamata Banerjee makes herself comfortable in a chair at the corner as Derek looks on with trepidation

Derek (in a low voice): Okay, the first question goes to the Team from Delhi…

Didi (interrupting): No.. no.. meee! meee! I want to play first!

Derek (pulls out his handkerchief and wipes his forehead): Umm.. sure Didi…why not? Here’s the first question.. (looks at the first card) Which…

The colour drains from Derek’s face as he reads the contents of the card.

Derek: I think I’ll change this card..

Didi: Na na Derek, Don’t… theek aache..

Derek (wipes his forehead again): Okay, here we go.. (gulps) During this year’s presidential elections, which regional party… (pauses to take a deep breath)

Didi (impatiently): Ki, Derek, ki?

Derek (summons courage from the deepest reserves of his being, his entire body shaking with the effort): Which regional party initially denied support to Pranab Mukherjee and later gave in?

Didi’s smile vanishes. Her ears turn yellow, then orange, then red, then a deep shade of purple. She leaps from her chair. Derek, in a reflex reaction, jumps backward and lands on his behind, the microphone and the deck of quiz cards flying from his hands. Didi snaps her fingers, and two policemen materialize out of nowhere, pick up Derek unceremoniously and make for the door.

Didi picks up the microphone and the deck of cards from the floor, turns to the terrified students, and smiles broadly.

Didi: Okay. Now I quiz-master. I pick student to ask.

Scans the faces of the students, each of whom wilts under her gaze. Her eyes finally zero in on a puny looking kid who looks particularly scared.

Didi: You!

Student (trembling): Y…y…yes Didi

Didi (picks out a card from the deck with a flourish and pretends to read it): What is Derek O Brien?

The student blinks back at her. Didi puts her hands on her waist, and glares at him.

Student (shivering): A m..m..maoist?

Didi: CORRECT ANSWER!!!!

She claps excitedly and turns to the audience. The people in the audience take the hint and join her in the applause. Fade out.

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