China takes exports to a new level; now to export its athletes


India has expressed interest in importing Chinese synchronized swimmers

China, the world’s leading exporter of goods and services, today announced its decision to export sportsmen and sportswomen to interested nations across the world. Coming on the heels of its dominant performance in the recently concluded London Olympics where it finished 2nd in the medal’s tally, this decision is expected to give a much needed boost to its weakening export sector.

Confirming the development, a spokesperson for the Chinese government, Mr. Moo Lee said, “Yeah, this has always been the plan since our first foray into Olympics in 1952. After decades of state investment in the athlete manufacturing sector, we decided to do a pilot two years ago, and exported a few table tennis players – a sport we have always dominated – to other countries. The results have been very encouraging. Almost all of our exports represented their respective countries in the London Olympics, giving us the proof of concept. We have now decided to open this space to other sports as well.”

When The Unreal Times pointed out that none of these athletes had won any medals, Lee scoffed, “We obviously keep the best players with us. We send players who aren’t the best in the world, but will be the best in whichever country they go to.”

When asked how many days it takes to fulfil an order, he said, “Well, a good export quality product takes about 12 to 15 months. It’s not just training the athlete in the sport. We also teach them the local language of the country they will be going to, and familiarize them with the culture and etiquette.”

A snapshot of the Table Tennis draw in London Olympics. Chinese origin athletes have been highlighted

The development has encouraged other nations to enter this industry as well. The Jamaican government has already received several requests for sprinters even though it hasn’t yet declared any intention of entering the market. “Yes it is true we have received offers. We will discuss it thoroughly before reaching a decision,” said Mr. Insain Nuts, a Jamaican government official, before rushing to his car at the parking lot 100m away in 9.81 seconds flat. A little to the north, the United States too has confirmed receipt of a few requests for basketball players.

India, meanwhile, has begun to pressurize the International Olympic Committee to get Kabaddi and Kho-Kho included as sporting events in the Olympics. Sports Minister Ajak Maken, while addressing a press conference, said that these were the only two sports where India could establish a monopoly in the market. When asked if India was considering importing any athletes, Mr Maken replied, “Yes we had placed an order for synchronized swimmers from China. In fact, we even dispatched the first payment through Mr. Suresh Kalmadi about a month ago. But the Chinese sports ministry told us that the payment hasn’t reached them. We are investigating the issue.”

Nishant Purkayastha

About Nishant Purkayastha

A student at IIM Kozhikode who feels life is incomplete without humour and sarcasm.

  • Sandeep

    nice post!

  • Ranyodh25

    India can also plan to get Gilli Danda and Kanche (Marbles) included in the Olympics!