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In a mysterious turn of events, Prime Minister Dr. Singh has disappeared from his office, and is nowhere to be seen. Confirmation of the PM’s disappeareance came in the form of the following PMO statement to the press: “The Prime Minister is missing. There are indications that he may have fled to his constituency Assam, but until we know for sure, we request everyone to maintain calm and desist from spreading rumours.”
PMO officials confess that the issue came to light only after the PM skipped an appointment with UPA chairperson Sonia Gandhi, and that the Prime Minister may have been AWOL for at least two days prior to that.
“Honestly, we didn’t really notice anything strange. Just like any other day, the PM was already in his chamber when we came in to work, and was present when we left in the evening. Only this morning, did we discover that it had been a life size mannequin all along, when a couple of people from 10, Janpath barged into his room to demand why he’d failed to keep his appointment with madam and when he didn’t respond, shook him by his shoulders.”
Investigating officials later found a CD containing a five minute recording of an agitated Dr. Singh reading out the following statement: “Why do people forget that I am a Rajya Sabha MP from Assam? Enough is enough. We, the Northeasterners, have been discriminated against for far too long. Look anywhere, and you’d find examples. PA Sangma was defeated so badly in the Presidential elections. Tarun Gogoi, despite being at the helm during the Assam riots has been denied the same glamour and glory that Narendra Modi enjoys even 10 years after the Gujarat riots. I myself keep getting taunted for being an outsider in political circles and feel increasingly marginalized. The Opposition keeps coming up with scams to bully me whether it be the Commonwealth games scam or the 2G scam. The Coalgate scam was the last straw. I just cannot take it anymore!”
Pausing to take a deep breath, a distraught Prime Minister continued, “I have anyways been criticized for not doing enough during mass movements like those led by Anna Hazare and Baba Ramdev. Therefore, this time around, when a mass exodus movement to the North East is in full swing, I have decided to personally participate in it.”
The PM’s better half, Smt. Gurcharan Kaur, confirmed that Dr. Singh was the recipient of threatening SMSes. “Mannu received a SMS stating that he will have to defend his conduct in coal block allocations on the floor of the House. That was the tipping point and we decided to go back to Assam where we will feel more secure,” disclosed Mrs. Singh to The Unreal Times.
(Disclaimer: This ‘news report’ is completely fictitious. For God’s sake don’t SMS this to anyone!)