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Dreaded terrorist and LeT founder, Hafiz Muhammad Saeed, has opened another front in the war of terror against India by starting a new outfit Lashkar-e-Debate to unleash verbal terror attacks. Instead of the saffron fields of Kashmir, the war of words will be waged in extremely dangerous terrain such as Arnab’s NewsHour, Barka’s ‘Buck Stops Here’, and Karan Thapar’s ‘Devil’s Advocate’.
Confirming the news, Hafiz said, “No matter how much we provoke them, the Indians seem content sending us dossiers and letting off steam by ranting against Pakistan in panel discussions. And I am told that this Arnab Goswami’s outrage makes my anti-India harangues seem like the whining of a disgruntled girlfriend by comparison. So I have decided to take them on at their own game. Instead of a war by a thousand cuts, we will get them be a war by a thousand sound-bites.”
The dreaded amir of JuD also lambasted the Pakistani Olympic contingent for failing to win a single medal in the London Olympics. “It just doesn’t make sense, yaar. Under my watch, so much money has been spent on training the boys in disciplines as varied as tunneling, hurdles, cross-country running, high jump, long jump, pole vault, decathalon, grenade-shot-put, and shooting. It beats me as to why we failed to snag a single medal. I demand an explanation from the Pakistan Olympic Association,” wailed Saeed.
However, the Pakistani Olympic Association, while acknowledging Saeed’s assistance, has hinted that he may have been part of the problem, not the solution. “When it comes to shooting, Saeed’s boys have been trained to fire indiscriminately instead of at a chosen target. The fencing contingent thinks good fencing is about digging tunnels under fences. And the few who were trained as per standards insisted that they were non-state actors, not Pakistani citizens,” said Pakistan Olympic Association head, Basit Ali.
(With inputs from Citizen Satirist, Pankaj Vaidya)