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In an unprecedented development, the Congress and the BJP have decided to break the Parliament logjam over Coalgate by participating in a qawwali session.
Lok Sabha Speaker Smt. Meira Kumar, the person behind this brainwave, explained, “Well, the idea struck me after PM Manmohan Singh, despite his reticent ways, could not resist channeling his inner poet to recite Urdu couplets while addressing the House.
BJP MPs too were quick to respond to his shayari by coining their own colourful idioms like “Mota maal”. So I thought why not organize a qawwali contest between the Government and the Opposition on the floor of the House. Members can make their points with poetic license and let off steam. In the process, tempers will come down, and slowly but surely Parliament can get back on track.”
With a big smile on the face, she continued, “You see, members of the Treasury and the Opposition are anyway talking to each other regularly on shows such as The Buck Stops here and the Newshour. The resistance is only in the Parliament, So all they need is a small push!”
The electronic media is very enthusiastic about the idea of qawwali in parliament being telecast live. Advertisement offers have started pouring in for the otherwise low profile Lok Sabha TV that usually never manages to sell any of its slots. Sahara and Reliance have also begun talks with MPs to endorse their brands by sporting their sponsored T-shirts during the qawwali show. A noted leftist MP commented, “All these years, Parliament was synonymous with low output and high overheads, a burden on the tax-payer. For the first time in history, Parliament will not only be productive, it will turn into a profit center.”
As news buzzed in that the TRPs of Parliament’s live qawwali may surpass that of KBC, Jaya Bachchan gave a short media bite, “Alright Mr Shinde, it is my area now. Bring it on!”
All the competing parties are formulating strategies to gain competitive advantage during the show while key players are arrogating pivotal roles for themselves. There are reports that Rajneeti Prasad has been directed to snatch the verses out of BJP members’ hands as soon as they start singing. Sushma Swaraj has hinted that there is a strong possibility of her party members hitting the floor to shake a leg, if any one starts to croon a patriotic song.
The Unreal Times was able to catch a sneek preview of some of the couplets that may be recited during the show.
Sonia Gandhi has decided to lead from the front with these opening comments:
“The Government is performing exceptionally well in all fields; of that there’s no doubt.
Should anyone dare to question it, I will ask my party men to shout!”
To which LK Advani’s riposte will be:
“The ban on Twitter accounts reminds me of the Emergency in 1977-78
And that’s why I say, this UPA government is completely illegitimate!”
The Samajwadi Party chief Mulayam Singh Yadav will intervene with this jibe:
“Left, right or center, there is no party my cycle cannot enter
All you chaps beware, I am gonna be the next Prime Minister!”
Not to be outdone, BSP supremo Mayawati, plans to respond thus:
“Why not install my statue in the Parliament building, Respected Speaker Ma’am,
And will the government please tell me, why no quota for BSP in any scam?”
Mamata has directed Derek O’ Brien to make the following point:
“Debt, Crime, Drought, West Bengal has problems too many to list
Prime Minister, if you don’t send a package soon, I’ll declare you a Maoist!”