Coalgate scandal: Coal block allotee approaches court for quashing his own unmerited allocation

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The raging coalgate scandal took an interesting turn with one of the coal block allotees, Shri Rajesh Khandelwal, CEO cum proprietor of Jai Mata Di Power Ltd, approaching the courts to quash his own license to mine a coal block in Jharkhand, on the grounds that it was awarded in a completely arbitrary, opaque, ad-hoc manner that made no sense to him whatsoever.

Shri Khandelwal’s company, which operates in the power generation sector, had indeed casually applied for a license in 2006, even though he was not hopeful of getting one since he lacked insider connections.

To his pleasant surprise, he received an email in late 2006 stating that his company had been awarded the license to mine coal from the Jhalian Tilan block in Jharkhand.

“Initially I ignored the email thinking it was a clever variation of the Nigerian scam email. But later I got a call from some chap in the PMO asking me to quickly take possession of the coal mine and get on with it. That’s when I realized that this was not a joke although it still seems like one,” recalled Mr. Khandelwal.

The businessman was kind enough to share transcripts of this phone conversation to help us understand why he felt that his getting a license seemed like a joke:

Khandelwal: Hello, Khandelwal speaking

Voice at other end (gruffly): Dude, you still haven’t taken possession of the coal block awarded to you in Jharkhand.

Khandelwal: Ok, dude. This is getting a little tiring.  Don’t you have anything better to do than play pranks on a busy businessman?

Voice at other end (in a high pitched voice):  How dare you mock the PMO? We will have you arrested under section 69 of the Indian Information Technology Act read with Section 69 of the Indian Penal Code in conjunction with Rule 3, clause 2 of the Intermediary Guidelines Rules of the Official Secrets Act for exhibiting flippancy bordering on disrespect towards the Prime Minister and his minions, thereby inviting automatic violation under…

Khandelwal (in an extremely apologetic tone): Sir, I am sorry, Didn’t realize that it was really the PMO. Thank you sir, for allotting a coal block to me.  Er….how much do I have to pay for it?

Voice at other end: Nothing, dude. Go have a ball with it.

Khandelwal: er…ok you want to discuss the mota maal off –line?

Voice at other end (getting irritated): Dude, please don’t use such vulgar phrases. Just let us know when you can take possession of the mine and do your thing with it. The PM is very keen to revive the animal spirits of the business community and get growth going again. Anyway, that is to do with overall management of the economy and is not of your concern.

Khandelwal: Sir, I still don’t get. You realize I am reaping a wind-fall gain in the process since there is no quid-pro-quo. At least let me know how I was allotted a block.

Voice at other end (irritated): Dude, you are testing my patience. Ok, if you insist on knowing, many participants of a screening committee, using a highly opaque and discretionary procedure which is too complex for the layman to follow, in their collective wisdom decided to allocate a coal block to you.

Khandelwal: Sir, I am speechless. Can I at least talk to the Coal Minister who also happens to be the Prime Minister to feel completely assured in this matter?

Voice at other end (annoyed):  Ok. Remember, the PM doesn’t like to make unnecessary conversation. Just ask him simple yes-no questions and he will remain silent if he wants to reply in the affirmative. Clear?

(Khandelwal waits nervously at the other end as he is connected directly to the Prime Minister cum Coal Minister, Dr. Manmohan Singh)

Khandelwal: Mr. Prime Minister, is that you? What an honour to talk to you sir.

(Silence at other end)

Khandelwal: Sir, thanks for allotting a block to me. Just wanted to clarify a few things. You do realize that by giving it to me free of cost, I stand to make a windfall gain, don’t you?

(Silence at other end)

Khandelwal: Cool. And you do realize that I may not even mine the coal out of mother earth. Instead, simply wait for prices to rise further while I proceed to recapitalize my company’s balance sheet?

(Silence at other end)

Khandelwal: And you realize that this could result in losses to the exchequer though, I am told, in some convoluted way, it helps the overall economy?

(Silence at other end)

Khandelwal: Cool. Thanks for taking time out of your busy schedule to clarify matters, sir. You rock, you are awesome, and you are the greatest thing to have happened to the business community since…

(The Prime Minister abruptly disconnects)

Although his first instinct was to encash his windfall gain and take a trip to the Bahamas, Mr. Khandelwal decided to wait and watch. Now with the CAG report creating a political storm, he has approached the courts to get the block de-allocated. “Whew, after reading the CAG report, all my doubts have been confirmed. I want no part in this unfolding drama, please. Thanks but no thanks for giving me a coal block,” he said.

(Based on a theme suggested by Mr. Ramaswamy Prabhu)

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