Parliament appoints Sushil Kumar as “bouncer” to prevent scuffles between MPs

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Sushil will maintain order by pinning down belligerent MPs like this

Olympic silver medalist and wrestler Sushil Kumar will soon be seen in Parliament, not as a member, but as a “bouncer”, to prevent scuffles like the one that broke out today in the Rajya Sabha between the Bahujan Samaj Party’s Avatar Singh and the Samajwadi Party’s Naresh Aggarwal.

Announcing the decision, Parliamentary Affairs Minister Pawan Kumar Bansal said, “Bahaut ho gaya yaar! I’m tired of appealing to people everyday not to disrupt proceedings and let the Parliament function smoothly. Even Steve Bucknor would’ve accepted my appeal by now and raised his finger, but these guys simply don’t listen! Two guys quarrel like rowdies in Rajya Sabha, one guy strips to his vest in the Jharkhand assembly, God knows what will happen tomorrow.

“Therefore, I had no choice but to appoint a bouncer, much like in pubs. And I could think of none better than Sushil Kumar for the job. People have forgotten him after the Olympics and it is only fair that I give him this esteemed job of disciplining our MPs. With him around, let alone MPs, even the honorable speaker will think twice before lending his ear to whispers from Rajeev Shukla, lest Sushil come and bite it!”

The move has brought great joy to Home Minister Sushil Kumar Shinde, who exclaimed, “Yay! No one will dare raise his or her voice against me hereafter. If they so much as utter my name, they know whose wrath they will invite. Also, I can boldly talk to Jaya ji about films now!” The BJP too, has agreed to the move. “We thought about it. If the PM doesn’t open his mouth, we can persuade Sushil to go to him and say ‘hazaaron choton se accha hoga aap ka istifaa. Soch lijiye!‘ So yeah, why not?” remarked Sushma Swaraj.

Sushil, on his part, was thrilled with the offer. “Ghani khushi ki baat sai. Mantri ne manne kaya hai ki ghana kaam ko ni. Bas din mein do chaar minatt najar raakhni hai. Practice pehle ki tarah chalti raegi,” said the Olympic medalist.

In other news, cricketer Suresh Raina has decided never to join politics and was quoted saying, “Haan pehle soch raha tha, lekin baat yeh hai ki I don’t know how to handle bouncers. So there’s no question of me joining Parliament now.”

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