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Media channel BNN-BBN had secretly tapped into the telephone conversation of Mr. Mohanlal and apparently this was what he said:
“Hellow. Am holding a coal. Will coal back again”.
This had lead to widespread protests all over Kerala. A brave The UnRealTimes journalist, OmeLee Omanakuttan, managed to sneak past the chain of protestors to get a quick interview from the great thespian himself.
OmeLee: Hello sir. Regarding Coalgate…
Mohanlal: Staap it peoples. This is the proablem with you guyz. Last time I had to attend a function to open 3 different malls in Kerala. A radio journo called me up and I had to cut the call saying, “Am busy. I have to open 3 different Moles.”
I don’t know what went wrong now more 40+ females are adding me in FB.
Also remember in 2008, when I had creative differences with my film director, and while speaking over the phone to Mr. Karunakaran, said, “I hate my Bo(a)ss(e).”
Some media guy grabbed the news and published it as “I hate Subash Chandra Bose”. Next day, irate Bengalish people stoned my house. Also audio speaker manufacturer BOSE India filed a defamation sweet against me.
OmeLee: Sir, it is called a suit. However Suite is what needs to be pronounced as SWEET. As in S .. W..
Mohanlal: Shut up okay? How dare you teach me English. I will put you in jail and loack you down. Bloody Noansense.
OmeLee: Sorry sir. So do you remember similar such incidents which didn’t go in your favour?
Mohanlal: This dates back to Coalage days when I used to wish Girls “Happy HOLIdays”. They used to run away from me thinking am going to spray color powder on them. Few years later, I was waiting in the hotel’s reception loabby for my wife. She called me up. To sound cool, I told her am “Loabbying”..
But somehow, I didn’t understand from where these media mongers catch my utterings. They mistook Loabbying as an act of attempting to influence decisions made by Kerala MLAs in the 2G scam. Buggers. Chavuttukaliyum !!
OmeLee: Oh that is sad!
Mohanlal: Wait saare! I am not done still. I am also going to file a defamation suit against director Balki for stealing my idea. Entha amme!
OmeLee: Balki? Oh! Why?
Mohanlal: First I wanted to take a film, on why tea is given only half glass full in other states of India, titled as “Chaaya Kum”.
Then it was my idea to take a film on Mallus struggling to speak English in the US.
They are plain jealous on what if US becomes the next densely populated nation with Mallus next to Dubai/Kuwait/Quatar.
I wanted to thrash those US guyz who Simbly couldn’t understand the English we spoke. Hence my idea to make a film called “Singlish Vinglish”.
OmeLee: Err… I understand…but…
Mohanlal: Enta Bhagavathy! Drinking Coke n Pepsi and Komplaining about us on our English. Proablamatic peoples. Wait for the day I become PM. Will make Nair- Chaya the notional drink of India.
To wrap up the topic, OmeLee finally wanted to seek Kavya Madhavan’s perspective on the Coalgate issue and apparently she hung up saying she uses Pepsodent.