Congress to abandon secretive approach to scams, to perform skullduggery in plain sight

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Shadowy scams will soon be history, says Diggy

Furtive, shadowy scams will be relics of the past, and the UPA will henceforth resort to shenanigans in full public view, announced Mr. Digvijay Singh, a Congress spokesperson today.

“As they say, the problem is never the crime. It’s the cover up,” added Finance Minister, P. Chidambaram. “Keeping things secret is expensive and time consuming, and leads to misunderstanding and mistrust. We will no longer be on the defensive. We live in the 21st century. We will take a more open and social approach to scams.”

When quizzed on what prompted the change in approach, Mr. Singh heatedly responded, “The last straw was the misunderstanding caused by the CAG report on Coalgate. These guys are mere accountants. What do they know? And, it’s not like people are fools and don’t know we are up to. Open-ness is going to lead to huge savings for us. Do you have any idea how expensive it is to have multiple bank accounts under several variations of your surname in Switzerland, Mauritius and the Cayman Islands?”

The media has been left confused and uncertain as to how to react to these developments. “We take great pride in our ability to carefully avoid critical questions. We are second to none when it comes to confusing the public with misleading information. This may be the end of paid media as we know it,” wondered a leading television personality aloud, under assurance of anonymity. “Perhaps, we should change with the times too,” he ruefully added, “who knows, someday we may be forced to report facts.”

In other news

In light of soaring gold prices, the Union Cabinet voted unanimously to put Mr. Bappi Lahiri on eBay and use the proceeds to clear the fiscal deficit.

Political pundits around the country agreed that the climate was rapidly worsening for the UPA. “By 2014, things will be so dire for the UPA that even BJP won’t be able to lose the elections,” added an analyst.

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