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In a departure from KBC’s usual format of quizzing the proverbial aam aadmi, the show’s organizers decided to screen a special episode involving a powerful politician. Accordingly, the questions were also customized to test the politician’s knowledge of governance and sensitive political issues.
However, most politicians politely declined to participate citing low prize money (at most Rs. 5 crores), saying it was not worth their time unless the earnings were raised to a few lakh crores. This put the KBC producers in a quandary since they couldn’t possibly hope to dole out those kinds of sums legally. Fortunately, Union Finance Minister, P Chidambaram, an avid quizzer in his student days, sportingly agreed to participate in the show and get his acumen tested in a transparent manner by the Bollywood legend, Shri Amitabh Bachchan.
The show will be broadcast shortly but readers can go through the transcripts below of the riveting episode involving the cerebral Finance Minster P Chidambaram:
Sr. Bachchan: So welcome Mr. Chidambaram Sir. What a proud moment to have you here. It is indeed an honour that you are taking this bold step to revive the country’s economy by taking part in the show. Let us not waste any further time and quickly carry on with the questions.
Let us begin with a very easy question Chidambaram Sir.
Which is the favorite Jim Carrey movie that our prime minister watches every day?
A. YES Man
B. No Man
C. Bruce Almighty
D. Liar Liar
[Audience shout aloud the answer as Option A! Option A! Option A! Mr. Bachchan requests the audience to keep calm.]
Chidambaram: I will go with A, Yes Man.
Sr. Bachchan: Right answer, Chidambaram Sir. Well that was an easy one like I told you. Okay. Let me shoot out the next question.
What is the mathematical approach behind the fuel price hike?
A. Arithmetic Progression
B. Geometric Progression
C. Harmonic Progression
D. What Crap! Madam ji decides the amount.
Chidambaram: Well of course it is option D.
Sr. Bachchan (glaring at Chidu): You are sure? Lock kiya jay?
Chidambaram: Of course, Bachchan Sir. 100% sure.
Sr. Bachchan: Right anwser. Chidambaram Sir. You have earned 2000 Rupees now. Which is 0.0002% of the Coal Gate scam. Brilliant. Well this should clear up a lot of minds from the mysterious fuel price hike that happens from time to time. Okay. Let us move on to the next question.
Question 3: What is the toughest question ever faced by our prime minister in his tenure?
A: What women want?
B: What Rahul Ji wants?
C: What[the hell!!] does Anna Hazare want?
D: All of the above.
Chidambarm (thinking hard): It’s a tossup between Option A and Option C.
Sr. Bachchan: You can use a life-line if you are not sure.
Chidambaram: Screw it, man. I’ll go for Option C.
Sr. Bachchan: Pakka? Lock kiya jaiye?
Chidambaram: Please lock kar di jiye.
Sr. Bachchan: That is the right answer. Excellent, Sir. Moving on.
If our opposition leader were to act with R. Madhavan, what would be the name of the film?
A: Jodi Breakers
B: Alliance Breakers
C: Modi Breakers
D: Kodi Breakers [Kodi meaning crore in Tamil].
Chidambaram: Pass. Next question please.
Sr. Bachchan: Am afraid you should be answering all questions. However, I see the sensitivity of the above question and this being a special episode let me get you an alternate question.
What is the one stop mantra to curtail inflation?
A. Inflation doesn’t exist. It is fictitious.
B. To install meters in Chennai auto ricks.
C. Invalid question. Let us wait for 4G scam.
Sr. Bachchan: I see you are thinking hard. Dont worry Chidambaram Sir. Let me tell you, there are still 3 life lines to be utilized.
Chidambaram: Am tempted to choose option 4. But I think I will use “phone a friend” option. Please connect me to the Prime Minister’s office.
Chidambaram: Hello? This is finance minister P.C calling. Can you hear me?
Chidambaram: Hello. Speak up. Can you hear me.
[Cuts the call]
Sr.Bachchan: Ohhhh Chidambaram Sir. I have never seen such dead silence on the phone in my life. Who do you think it is?
Chidambaram: Everybody knows. I was not even surprised when Samsung approached our office to use our PM’s icon on the screen for putting the phone on silent mode in their next galaxy series.
Can I try one more time?
Sr. Bachchan: Oh Yes ! Please!
Chidambaram: Hello? This is finance minister P.C calling. Can you hear me? I am in the middle of KBC show. I need some answers. Who is on the line?
PMO: Zero loss.
PMO: Zero loss.
Chidambaram: Oh Sibal ji. Is that you? Please stop giving that answer for everything. My question is on inflation.
PMO [Sibal]: Haan. The same answer applies for everything. Remember once a thief robbed my entire ancestral house. Next day I gave the same answer to the media. Zero loss.
[Chidambaram cuts the call]
[Before we could hear the answers there's a huge protest outside Rashtrapati Bhavan by Pranab da who demands that if the Finance minister is to take part in the show, why was he not invited for the show with retrospective effect. By the time we get back Mr. Chidambaram is at the penultimate question no. 15].
Sr. Bachchan: Well Chidambaram Sir. You are on the verge of making a record. Just one question short of 1 crore. How do you feel at this moment.
Chidambaram: I think I will transfer this amount to Rahul ji as agreed before coming to this show.
Sr. Bachchan: Wow! A big round of applause for Mr. PC please. What a noble cause. Am inspired I must say!
Ok, Chidambaram Sir. Here is your last question.
What would be the ideal strategy for the next budget session scheduled on Feb 28th, 2013 to revive consumer spending and increase the growth%?
A: Do what is best for the aam-aadmi
Sr. Bachchan: Actually this option doesn’t make sense. Please choose one of the other 3 options.
B: Grab a drink the day before and write what comes to your mind.
C: Do what Didi says: stop being a Maoist.
D: Hilary Clinton will give us detailed instructions on Feb 27th night.
[Chidambaram thinks hard as the seconds tick away.]
Sr.Bachchan: So what is going on in your mind, Chidambaram Sir? There is still one life line left. The Audience Poll.
Chidambaram: Oh no! Please no polls. I am scared of that big time. Never let the people decide. I also notice that some secret Ram Dev Baba activists are part of the audience.
[In a sudden spring of surprise, Aamir Khan enters the studio. Offers his salutations to the finance minister and whispers something to Sr. Bachchan which seems to amuse him.]
Sr. Bachchan: Wah! Brilliant Aamir ji. What an idea!
Abishek Bachchan [from the audience]: Pa! That is my line.
Sr.Bachchan: Sorry son. So Chidambaram Sir, Aamir is suggesting an option 5 to the question above. That is to make you the male lead in his next film, Lagaan – 2. The story shall lay out the premise for all the changes in the Indian direct tax code. It will also surprise you that George Bush Sr. had already agreed to play the role of Captain Andrew Russell.
[Chidambaram, feeling overwhelmed, hugs Aamir and Sr.Bachchan, waves to the audience and exits the show.]
Sr. Bachchan: Oh, the phone is still on. Hello, who is on the line?
Oh Sibal ji. The show is over. Please hang up.