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The world’s most popular cartoon television channel, Cartoon Network, has announced its decision to go off Indian television, following the arrest of Indian cartoonist and IAC activist, Aseem Trivedi on grounds of sedition.
Justifying the decision on business grounds, Ted Turner, founder of the Turner Broadcasting System which runs Cartoon Network, explained, “Well, first of all, cartooning in India has just become an an extremely hazardous and risky business. I remember reading reports of Kundanklum villagers protesting against a cartooning school under construction, as they thought it to be more dangerous than nuclear plants. I also read somewhere that Hafiz Saeed is launching the LeT cartoon wing to terrorize Indian politicos, as routine acts of terror have failed to grab their attention. Given Indian politicians’ peculiar sense of reasoning and our lack of proper knowledge about the Indian constitution, we feel that certain cartoons which we air, like Courage the Cowardly Dog, may actually be perceived as mocking the office of the Prime Minister, which I am told, is a constitutional body. So is the case with Johnny Bravo, which, some people may misconstrue as a parody of ND Tiwari.”
“Who knows which cartoon of ours can actually amount to sedition? That’s why, even though we hear that in Aseem’s case it is the police who may be convicted for mocking the constitution, we don’t want to take the risk. Hence, after more than a decade, we’ve decided to pull out of Indian television. I’d just like to thank the Indian kids and tell them that we love them a lot and will miss them,” he added sentimentally.
The media mogul said his firm had explored the possibility of getting their cartoon business in India insured but insurers say it is impossible to price products for this market since the Mumbai police are known to act in extremely random ways. “So we are opting out of India. Instead, we’ll focus on safer markets in the neighbourhood, possibly even Afghanistan.”
When asked about what other options Indian kids had after Cartoon Network exits the arena, Turner said, “Oh! There are some wonderful Indian cartoon channels that have come up. Lok Sabha TV is one of the best ones. Rajya Sabha TV is not bad either. Sometimes, even CNN-IBN has a lot of really good cartoon shows, especially Face the Nation. Hey, wait! Did I just imply that parliamentarians are cartoons? Oh my God, is that seditious?! Damn! I should’ve just stuck to calling them ‘dacoits, rapists and murderers’ like Arvind Kejriwal. Woe betide me! I’m gonna be behind bars soon.”
The arrest of Aseem has also plunged a lot of rioters and rapists into depression, as their offenses go totally unnoticed by the State. Many children among the impoverished have also reportedly taken to cartooning, as nothing else seems to be drawing the attention of the government to their plight.