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As speculation mounts about Sachin’s retirement, Kohli professed solidarity with the God of Cricket during the course of a wide ranging interview with The Unreal Times’ correspondent, Barsha Hogle. Read below for this and many other tidbits including fascinating glimpses into Virat’s personality:
Barsha Hogle (mumbles): Hello Virat. Good Morning!
Kohli (loudly): Kya Maroing?? Abe g**d maroing hoga tu, bh*****…
Barsha Hogle (hastily): No, no, I meant GOOD Morning!
Kohli: Oh. To theek se bol na. Good morning
Barsha Hogle: Phew! (heaves a sigh of relief) To start with Virat, congratulations on a wonderful performance in both Tests and the T20 match against New Zealand. How does it feel to have established yourself in the team?
Kohli: How does it feel? It feels wonderful. I should thank a few people here – Mallya for those drinks that gave me good times, Chikka for introducing me to Mandira. Her advice helped me to keep my eyes on the ball. And, last but not the least, Srinivasan Uncle.
Barsha Hogle: Why Srinivasan?
Kohli: I don’t know. He has to be mentioned. It’s a clause in my contract.
Barsha Hogle: And Ray Jennings?
Kohli: Oh Yeah! He is one who made me a better cricketer, right? How can I forget! (slaps his forehead)
Barsha Hogle: So, how are you feeling today?
Kohli (gives a withering stare): I FEEL fine.
Barsha Hogle: Er.. okay (looks nervously at his notes, aware of Kohli’s eyes on him) It must be wonderful to be a part of this team. Tell us a few things about your team mates. Let us start with Dhoni.
Kohli (waves dismissively): A kid. He gets high with just two pegs.
Barsha Hogle: Umm, Okay… Gambhir?
Kohli: Bah! For all his “Have I made his large?” ads, the guy can’t hold one small drink. Sehwag neither. They don’t drink anything other than orange juice and then dutifully go off to their homes. So boring, these married chaps.
Barsha Hogle: What about Raina?
Kohli (with barely concealed disgust): Drinks two liters of milk every day and doesn’t even wipe his milk moustache.
Barsha Hogle (with a touch of impatience): Isn’t there anything else you could tell us about these guys apart from their drinking abilities?
Kohli looks at Barsha as if he’s retarded
Barsha Hogle: Er… I guess not. Okay, let’s try something else. Yuvi is coming back. How do you feel about that?
Kohli (leaps from his seat and jumps up and down screaming): ASK ME HOW I FEEL ONE MORE TIME MOTHER****** AND I’LL SHOW YOU.
Terrified, Barsha Hogle apologizes hastily, and attempts to calm Virat. After a minute, Virat takes his seat and so does Barsha.
Barsha Hogle (wipes his forehead with a hanky): Okay, let’s talk about Sachin. Do you think Sachin should retire on a high?
Kohli: Hell yeah! Everyone should retire on a high. Only then you can give your best the next day. Work hard, party harder. That’s what I always say!
Barsha Hogle: That’s not what I meant… He has been out of form for some time. Does this dampen the spirit in the dressing room?
Kohli: Not really. Sunny Sir keeps saying that Sachin gets bowled because his technique is perfect.
Barsha Hogle: Er.. how’s that?
Kohli: Sunny Sir says that when Sachin tries to play the straight drive, it is not Sachin’s fault that the ball seams off the pitch. He says that the bowler should have known better.
Barsha Hogle: I see. But…
Kohli: (interrupts) In any case, it does not really matter. I will carry Sachin on my shoulders. He has carried this nation for so long and it is time we do it.
Barsha Hogle: Will you do this even when you are not a part of the starting eleven?
At this, Virat abruptly gets up to leave. And, just when he’s about to exit, he signals the end of the interview with a flourish – by flashing his middle finger at the interviewer.