BJP shocks nation, demands FDI in CBI i.e. FBI, many UPA allies join chorus

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In a stunning reversal of its stand against raising the FDI cap in crucial sectors of the economy, the BJP has sent shock waves throughout the nation by wholeheartedly welcoming FDI in the Central Bureau of Investigation (CBI), thereby allowing the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) to enter Indian waters.

“We wish to inform the nation that we are all for FDI in the CBI, as it would pave the way for more independent, unbiased and fair investigations in the country. In fact, we don’t just support the idea, we demand it! We will not allow the parliament to function in the next session until the FBI is allowed to investigate the Coal Scam,” said BJP senior leader Sushma Swaraj.

Like thunder accompanying a bolt of lightning, the BJP found itself in the center of unanimous support from many political parties across the country, including key UPA allies such as the SP, BSP, NCP, TMC and DMK. Sources said that even a few Congress leaders like Vijay Darda have indicated their support for the stir. Rumors are rife that former president APJ Abdul Kalam too has decided to support the demand for FDI in CBI, provided it is guaranteed that the demand is fulfilled.

A relieved Mulayam Singh Yadav said, “Yay! This time, I surely won’t let you down, Mamataji. Once the FBI comes into the CBI, there will be no flip-flops from my end, I assure you.” West Bengal Chief Minister Mamata Banerjee also expressed great delight and support for the demand, and said, “I’m sick and tired of rolling back each rollback demand of mine, all because of the current state of the CBI. I don’t have to do that anymore!”

However, the Congress has opposed the move to bring in FDI in CBI on the same grounds that the BJP resists opening up the multi-brand retail sector to foreign competition. “FDI in CBI may benefit the end consumer, i.e. the tax payer, but at what cost? The rash move will disrupt traditional linkages, lead to job losses for thousands of intermediaries, and adversely impact the domestic political economy. Moreover, the FBI will monopolize investigations and will be like a Frankenstein’s monster under no one’s control,” noted Congress spokesperson, Manish Tewari.

A few hours later, Mulayam took a U-turn and proclaimed, “Sorry guys, the CBI should be kept free! No FDI in CBI, please!” Mamata Banerjee also followed suit, saying “With a heavy heart, I’m against FDI in CBI”

When a reporter from The UnReal Times, Suryaprakash Jasooswal, approached CBI director AP Singh, the latter said, “Hey, sorry! Please come in! I was just preparing a clean chit for Chidambaram, what’s up?”

When briefed about the BJP mulling the idea of FDI in CBI, Singh retorted, “Hey! But don’t we have that already? I mean, don’t we have a foreign hand dictating the line when it comes to investigation of cases like Bofors?”

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