Congress promises to reinstate Sourav Ganguly as KKR skipper to appease Mamata Banerjee


Reeling under heavy pressure following West Bengal Chief Minister Mamata Banerjee’s decision to withdraw support to the UPA yesterday, the Congress party has come up with what is being touted as a game changer of an idea to appease Didi: that of reinstating the Prince of Kolkata, the Bengal tiger, former Indian captain, Sourav Ganguly, as captain of SRK’s IPL franchise, KKR.

As a sweetener, the Congress has also promised a financial safety-net to the Knight Riders by deputing Congress Rajya Sabha MP and BCCI Vice-president Rajeev Shukla as its co-owner. This move is expected to assuage Bengali concerns about their beloved franchise meeting with the the same fate as that of Deccan Chargers. “We will even provide health insurance to Shah Rukh if he ends up breaking his back while doing cartwheels and legal protection, if he ends up smoking at any stadium,” Shukla promised.

Explaining the rationale behind the move,  Shukla, who is also a Union Minister, said, “We were totally escared yesterday, yaar! We never thought Didi would actually pull out. We always thought she would accept the FDI hike and diesel price rise with a heavy heart as she usually does. But what she bowled yesterday was a complete yorker. We couldn’t go back on such crucial reforms and at the same time we couldn’t let Mamata didi go eso easily. President Pranab da offered to send truckloads of free roshogullas to Didi, but we felt that was very estupid. I lay down in my bathtub of warm water to de-stress and the water estarted flowing out. That’s when I had an Archimedes-like moment and realized my actual weight – I could use the cricket card! I screamed ‘Eureka!!!’ so loud, that it took me an hour to convince my wife that there was nothing going on between me and Rajya Sabha MP and Bollywood diva Rekha.”

Shukla continued, “I realized that there are 2 things that matter to Kolkatans more than anything else – eSourav Ganguly and KKR. If we are able to get these 2 together, Kolkatans might do anything for us! Didi was complaining about lack of funds for the estate of West Bengal, but she had no qualms about squandering money for gala celebrations following KKR’s maiden IPL triumph. I whispered the idea to eSoniaji and according to eSalman Khurshid ji, who was also present, tears welled up in her eyes. I immediately called up eSrinivasan bhai and told him about the idea. He readily agreed provided we esee to it that Chennai eSuper Kings are also assured of berth in finals. I then espoke to eSourav and he was more than thrilled (sic).”

Ganguly, while welcoming the news, made it clear that he wouldn’t be autocratic in his second innings. “I’m gonna be a very flexible captain, like how Vettori was for the RCB. If I’m not performing well at the top, I will demote myself down the order. If I don’t do well there either, I’ll play purely as a wicket-taking, hair-raising bowler. If I end up bowling worse than Ashish Nehra, I’ll drop myself out of the team and play the role of a coach or a mentor. If they don’t need that either, I can always join Ravi bhai and Sunny bhai in the commentary box,” said Dada, carefully weighing all his options.

TMC MP and quiz-master Derek O Brien indicated that Didi might welcome the move and overlook the pain and suffering to the common man on account of FDI in multi-brand retail. “Didi will go to any lengths to save Bengali pride! Who is the pride of Bengal? Didi, Dada and da KKR, of course,” observed the ace quiz-master.

Ashwin Kumar

About Ashwin Kumar

1 of the proud columnists of URT, former co-editor of URT Tamil, amateur musician, Real Harris Jayaraj devotee, UnReal T. Rajendar fanatic, passionate about stopping female foeticide.

  • Arpan

    A true ROFL article after a long, well not that long … time. Keep it up!!!

    But please esee that you rename “Saurav” to “Sourav”. That is the correct spelling. Please do that.

    • Ashwin

      thanks :)

  • Unreal Mama

    Thx for the heads up, Arpan. Changed it.

  • Arpan

    Welcome mate. I’m glad you corrected the spelling. :)