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Mitt Romney, the republican nominee for President of the United States of America, who has been in the news for his stirring speeches and brainless blunders alike, is all geared to take up his new role as the anchor of the TV show ‘Kya Aap Panchvi Pass Se Tez Hai’. Busy preparing answers for possible questions at the impending presidential debate, the ex-governor of Massachusetts will now be seen asking some, to 5th graders at the quiz show.
Originally approached by the producers of ‘Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader’, he opted instead for its Indian version ‘Kya App Panchvi Pass Se Tez Hai’, after learning of the Indian satire websites, whose continuous mockery, he believed, might increase his popularity quotient. The move came after an India-wide poll conducted by The Unreal Times on Romney’s chances at the White House yielded shocking results. While only 5% believed he would be the next US President, 10% didn’t give him a chance. However, an astounding 85% responded with “Who the f*** is Mitt Romney?”
The producers justified their selection by saying that Romney had the same intellectual ability as an average 5th grader, and hence was bound to strike a chord instantly with all participants. Describing how he zeroed in on his choice, he explained, “We were having a tough time coming up with questions that would suit the kids’ levels, but after hearing Romney’s query on why the windows in the jets don’t open, the idea dawned upon us. We asked him to bare his heart and list down all his doubts on science, culture and geography amongst other fields and voila! We had an exhaustive set of questions ready in no time.”
More good news was in store for Romney, as the media hailed him as the Digvijay Singh of US politics, with the barrage of gaffes he has been showering at regular intervals. Sir Kazam Phani, president of Satirewadi Party of India believed it was still a long shot though. “There is no doubt about Romney’s potential. He really has the knack of putting his foot in the mouth, but to be compared with legends like Diggy is clownishly absurd. Diggy is an established figure in the field of jocular entertainment, and it has taken him years of practice to hone his skills to reach the current levels; Romney can’t reach there overnight,” came Sir Kazam’s verdict.
Romney chose not to comment on these developments, but when asked how the Founding Fathers might have responded to Iran’s contention of US being an international bully, insightfully said, “I frankly don’t understand how priests in a church can be helpful in this regard. Yes, we all pray to the Fathers and seek their blessings, but let’s keep them out of such issues please.”