Lord Indra lambasts Dhoni: says bad bowling and not rain led to T20 rout

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Lord Indra outraged by Dhoni’s accusation

After suffering annihilation at the hands of Australian openers Shane Watson and David Warner, captain MS Dhoni laid the blame for the defeat on the brief spell of rain just after the Australian innings began. While most cricket fans shook their heads, muttered a curse or two at the Indian skipper and reconciled themselves to the mind numbing defeat, the God of rain, Lord Indra, was not amused at all.

“BULLSHIT!” thundered Lord Indra. “My earthly interventions are not designed around inconsequential events such as cricket matches, and certainly not on who’s batting first. Regardless of the impression you puny earthlings may have from your meteorological department, the rain schedule is drawn up well in advance, and we maintain a meticulous adherence to it.”

“And who is Dhoni kidding?” roared the God of thunder. “He won the goddamn toss. He could as well have turned the rain in his favour by electing to chase. We did dispatch a few rain-clouds to broadcast our intent well in advance! Why did he decide to bat first? Huh? Huh?”

“And don’t try to fool me. I caught the 2nd half of the match on my new iPhone 5 yesterday. I saw the way Bhajji, Chawla and Ashwin bowled bloody half-trackers that even Airavat could have pulled over the square-leg boundary. Why should I take the blame for such crap bowling?” the Rig Vedic deity added.

“Do not for a moment think that I don’t get cricket,” he continued his tirade. “I am no American God. I understand fully well the nuances of cricket – the pitch, the conditions and even the UDRS. Well, I might not understand the Duckworth Lewis method, but then who does?”

“But Sir, you are after all a Hindu God, and most of your followers are also keen fans of Indian cricket. Couldn’t you have made an exception to your strict schedule this time? After all it is the World Cup!” The Unreal Times’ heavenly affairs correspondent, Swargdas Banerjee, implored. The Lord snorted in disdain and said, “It’s T20 for God’s sake. If it was Test Cricket I may have thought about it.”

When this correspondent opened his mouth to protest further, the God shut him up by raising his Vajrayudha threateningly. “Next time you guys lose a cricket match, go blame some other God, perhaps my name-sake on earth whom you have anointed as God,” he said and stomped off with his consort, the enchantingly pretty Queen Sachi.

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