Team India players strategically adopt long winding names like Sri Lankans to intimidate opposition

Follow @TheUnRealTimes

Pushed to a corner, the Indian team management has adopted the Sri Lankan practice of sporting long, confusing, un-spellable names to confuse and ultimately intimidate the opposition, thereby gaining a competitive advantage in the remaining games in the Super 8 stage of the T-20 World Cup.

Leading from the front, captain Dhoni had changed his name to Mahendra Singh Waat O’ Rahihai  Dhoni. “Yeah, I never liked MSD, it sounded like LSD. This new name put together can be abbreviated as MSWORD. Cool, right?” chirped skipper MSWORD.

“I was practicing in the nets when one of those Sri Lankan boys went past me and it took me almost 2 days to remember his name. Have you seen their names? There is this guy called EMDY Munaweera and then there is the other HDRL Thirimanne fellow. I think these fellows never wrote any competitive exam where one is required to fill those little boxes. But then it struck me how these long, confusing names is the real reason for winning matches. You know how difficult it is to bat when you cannot distinguish between BAW Mendis and BMAJ Mendis. I mean for someone not from the subcontinent like the English, they all look the same and they had no idea who or what was coming,” disclosed MSWORD.

Coach Duncan Fletcher has endorsed the strategy. “I really liked this idea. In fact now the media will also not bother these boys since they cannot pronounce or spell their new names correctly. MSWORD is a genius and he has proved it again,” the coach was quoted as saying.

The news has been well received in some quarters, especially by commentators like Ravi Shastri. “This is by far the best decision BCCI has taken this year,” remarked Shastri who has already coined a new Shastri cliché in wake of the development: “Catches may or may not win matches but names definitely win games.”

Other cricketers have followed suit and appended initials to their names in consonance with their circumstances, form and track-record. “Do you think only Sri Lankans can have names like NLTC Perera? I am changing my name to NTPC Pathan thereby generating some power in my name at least,” stated Irfan Pathan.

Gambhir has insisted that he be given the name FUBAR Gambhir. “The bigger the name, the better. Now my name will cover the entire score card leaving very little space on the right for displaying the runs I score,” exclaimed Gambhir with a sigh of relief. Kohli has opted for MCBC Kohli so that just like his batting, his name also speaks for itself. Harbhajan Singh has opted for HIMIL Harbhajan Singh, with HIMIL short for Have I Made It Large.

Although Rohit hasn’t come forward with his new name, his teammates have unanimously decided to give him the name KLPD Sharma.

South Africa’s coach Gary Kirsten and Pakistan’s coach Dav Whatmore looked edgy upon hearing this news. “Already my boys cannot distinguish between Balaji and Bhajji. The new names will only make matters worse. I am afraid the boys will now start going after all the bowlers since they won’t know whom to attack and whom to attack more,” bemoaned Gary.

The news has prompted international players to change their names as well, despite India’s obvious first mover advantage. Last heard Afridi was contemplating renaming himself to Shahid Only Nineteen Always Afridi, or SONA Afridi.

Related posts:

1. Team India stars congregate on Facebook to figure out what went wrong in India-Pak T20 warm-up match
2. Dhoni hails Lankans for mental toughness after rout in 2nd ODI: “Boredom just not getting to them.”
3. Pakistan Cricket Team thanks BCCI for barring Pakistani players from IPL
4. Abhishek Bachchan names daughter NoIdea Bachchan after pondering over twitter suggestions
5. Emulating Hockey India, generous BCCI announces Rs.25,000 cash award to Team India players