South African player chokes even before start of must win match against India

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A South African player, whose name has been withheld, choked on his food on the eve of the crunch match against India and has been admitted to the SWRD Bandarnaike Hospital in Colombo as a precautionary measure.

Shedding further light on the incident, Coach Gary Kirsten said, “We had a hard-work out at the nets and were then having our lunch when I told the boys that the final match is a must win. That’s when [he] suddenly came under a lot of pressure and went red in the face and finally choked. In hindsight, I shouldn’t have reminded the boys that this is a crunch match.”

Gary said he was surprised that one of his wards had choked despite adequate preventive measures. “Rather than letting all the pressure build up by winning all the league stage matches and then choking in the final match, I told the boys to spread out the choking which explains our narrow loss to Pakistan and then drubbing at the hands of the Aussies. I was hoping the boys had the choking out of their system but I was mistaken,” added Gary, referring to the choking incident.

Dr. SWAT Kaluwitharane, the physcician on duty said the South African player suffered severe constriction of the trachea brought on by hyper-ventillation on accord of onset of palpitations of the heart leading to a rise in BP in consonance with a throbbing of the esophagus. “In other words, he choked but now he’s fine,” he said.

In related news, Virat Kohli said he had just read Bapuji’s autobiography “My experiments with the truth” on the occasion of Gandhi Jayanti and was furious that the father of the nation was thrown out of a train in South Africa because of the colour of his skin. “Now I’m all charged up and outraged for today’s match. M*(#@, B*#$@#,” fumed the Delhi lad.

South African skipper AB De Villiers said he’s got no problem with Virat’s vituperations starting with ‘ch’ as long he doesn’t use the ‘choke’ word.

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