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Hours after Team India crashed out of the T20 World Cup 2012, coach Duncan Fletcher lashed out at the players and asked them to stand in front of a mirror and introspect. Stung by the coach’s tongue lashing, the players took turns to stand in front of a large mirror in the dressing room and ponder what went wrong. The Unreal Times correspondent in Sri Lanka, MPSDPL Wickedasinghe was at hand to capture their emotions:
Sehwag: See Ball, Hit Ball..See Ball, Hit Ball..See Ball, Hit Ball..bhenc**d aaj kal ball dikh kyun nahin rha???
Gambhir: hahaha..saala Dhoni..always taking credit for the wins..now take the shit, bitch..Captain Cool, my ass!! Thank God, there was no rain for him to blame..Champions League coming up..need to practice my cool dabs to the third man..will show everyone who the better captain is!
Kohli: (stumbles in, drunk) Oyyy! madar*hod, bhen*hod, tu koun hai be?? kat le jaldi yahan se nahin to teri gaa** maar doonga..MC BC BKL..
Yuvraj: Huh! still the best player at World Cups even after cancer..still the f**kers won’t give me the Khel Ratna award..balla chale na chale, tu to hamesha thaat hai beta..muaahh!!
Raina: Saala..these guys are not allowing me to pull their hair anymore..it’s affecting my performance..this bloody Duncan Fletcher is wearing a cap even while sleeping..ask Srini mama to get Rameez Raja as team consultant..i am gonna tug at his new wig like it’s nobody’s business.
Dhoni: Hello there, Captain Cool! looking smart..don’t let criticism affect you..Dhoni’s ‘total revolution’ must continue..bowlers playing as batsmen..batsmen playing as bowlers..what an idea, Sirji! Your genius gives me goose bumps. (blushes)
Zaheer: Oho! bad hair day, again..get the hair straightened and also get some pink streaks, dude..will look cool on you..Oh! also need to add reverse swing to batting now..donno what that is but Dhoni said it will revolutionize cricket..Eyy, Zaheer..going places, eh? gonna open the batting soon (smiles)
Manoj Tewari: Thoo! You disgust me..it’s better to sit at home and make tea than be a bloody water-carrier for these losers..be a man, Manoj, mard bann!! (suddenly remembers something)..oyyy, bokachoda..forgot to blow-dry dhoni’s underwear..that’s how he likes them (runs out sweating)
Irfan Pathan: Hey there champ! opening bowler, opening batsman..uyyy maaa!! looking handsome too..uff!! kisi ki nazar na lag jaaye..ohhh, also need to keep a reminder for new pants..these bloody pants are getting sucked into my butt-crack…
Ravichandran Ashwin: Dude..are you slacking off? Pathan is flying high..remember what we did to Bhajji? hahaha..poor fellow still can’t figure it out..no place for sentiments..do the needful with Pathan..
Bhajji: (playing knock knock with mirror) Knock Knock! | Who’s there | Bhajji here | Bhajji who? | It’s me, the Have-I-Made-It-Large Bhajji | No, you haven’t. Hahaha!
L Balaji: Still too dark to see anything… all those fairness creams and nothing.. NOTHING! i am gonna f**k that badavaa raascal, Shahid Kapoor
Piyush Chawla: *sees Pratibha Patil’s ghost in the mirror standing next to him..Patil says, “you know what to do son..make us overachievers proud” and vanishes* (Chawla steals the mirror and leaves the room)