BJP claims that they are marginally less hated than Congress

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Earlier this week, BJP claimed moral victory on the grounds that they are marginally less hated than the Congress party. An exuberant party President, Nitin Gadkari, triumphantly proclaimed to supporters at a rally, “I stand before you as the leader of the party that people hate slightly less than the Congress.” Gadkari also said that the BJP hoped to ride this momentum of being marginally less despised than Congress all the way to the elections in 2014.

“We realize how tough a choice it is for the Indian people to decide the least despicable party. The people are looking for  the lesser of two evils,” he proclaimed, “and, by God, we are lesser.”

But the Congress camp has not thrown in the towel yet. Manish Tewari, Congress party spokesperson, shot back defiantly saying, “In states like Maharashtra, Rajasthan and Assam, we believe that people are quite clear about the fact that they can’t stand BJP more than they detest us. That’s what I call a recipe for success.”

When pressed for comments by reporters, Rahul Gandhi, the ‘crown prince’ of the Congress party, said, “I’m sure that the people of India will remember that it was my historic lowering of the bar that has made all of this talk even possible.”

Response to Arvind Kejriwal’s announcement of a new party and its manifesto which includes anti-corruption and people-friendly policies, has been uniformly negative across all political quarters. Mulayam Singh Yadav, leader of Samajwadi Party, laughed uncontrollably as he commented, “This Arvind is new to politics, you see. Mark my words. His misguided strategy of forming a party that will actually be liked by the people, instead of being the one that is least detested, is going to end disastrously.”

Elsewhere, Subramanian Swamy, leader of the Janata Party weighed in on the debate, saying, “They are all wrong. Elections aren’t about winning or losing. They are about me standing in front of a mike and listening to the sound of my very own voice for as long as possible.”

In other news

Union Coal Minister Sriprakash Jaiswal found himself at the center of a controversy yesterday over his sexist remark that ‘wives lose charm over time’, sparking an outrage among women’s groups which dubbed the comment as “disgusting and derogatory.” In a surprising turn of events, the minister was ordered by a magistrate to provide a DNA sample to scientists at the Indian Institute of Science. A spokesperson for IISc explained, “We plan to seal the minister’s DNA sample in a time capsule for posterity. Someday, when aliens try to figure out why our society disappeared, hopefully Jaiswal’s DNA sample will provide a clue.”

A beleaguered Manmohan Singh, under fire for price hikes and unpopular reforms, received support from unexpected quarters earlier in the week. Asif Ali Zardari, the President of Pakistan, strongly backed the Indian PM saying, “Just because someone hasn’t won an election, that doesn’t mean he can’t run the country.”

Ruling out reconciliation with BJP’s central leadership, sulking BJP strongman in Karnataka B. S. Yeddyurappa said that he was thinking about starting his own party. Reacting to the news, BJP Leader of Opposition in the Rajya Sabha, Arun Jaitley remarked, “I have no idea why Yeddy is doing this and what he thinks of himself. Everyone knows that BJP is perfectly capable of losing elections with or without him.”

(Read about the author Srini Chandra’s book ’3 Lives’ here - an inspirational novel that is quietly winning the hearts of readers)

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