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India’s favourite satire, humor, spoof and parody portal, The UnReal Times, has decided to shut down, after it was announced that Congress President Sonia Gandhi has been recommended for the Nobel Peace Prize in 2012.
The announcement was made on Friday morning by a distraught and tearful CS Krishna, The UnReal Times’ co-editor. “Yes, the news has left us devastated. When real news is inherently funnier than satire masquerading as real news, it’s time to hang up one’s boots. In over a year of its existence, The UnReal Times has tried its best to feed off the inherent absurdity of real news, relying on our imagination to conceive unreal but plausible scenarios to bring a smile to the faces of our readers. But this bit of news about Sonia Gandhi getting nominated for next year’s Nobel Prize has shattered our confidence. I mean, what value we can add to this news item beyond simply reproducing it verbatim. In that case, how are we different from main-stream media?”
“The writing on the wall is clear. With absurdity levels in public life touching new highs, the satire industry is becoming redundant and irrelevant. So we’ve decided to quit, when we still count for something. I would like to thank all our readers, columnists, and citizen satirists who have bestowed so much love and affection, and often ignored some of the lame stuff churned out from the stables of The Unreal Times, and last but not the least, I’d like to express heartfelt gratitude for..,” choked Krishna in an emotional voice, before breaking into hysterical sobs and running away to wipe his tears.
The most distraught, however, was columnist, Ashwin Kumar, who had to be sedated to control his hysterical wailing. “Yaar, I had just completed 100 articles for these guys and looked good for more, when I heard of the news about Sonia Gandhi and the subsequent decision to fold up the portal. Even my funniest articles can come nowhere close to Sonia Gandhi, of all people, being nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize. This is a catastrophe,” said Ashwin, weeping inconsolably.
Later, after replying to the last of the fan mails, the team moved to the nearby bar and drowned its woes in alcohol, even as columnist Srini Chandra tried to raise the spirits of the team a little by quoting from his best-seller novel, 3 Lives. ”If you really love something, let it go,” he said, cueing solemn nods from the satirists and another round of tequila shots.
Meanwhile, AICC secretary Digvijay Singh has slammed The Unreal Times for overreacting unnecessarily. “What is there to lose confidence over a solitary news item? Kapil ji and I are around to provide them with enough inspiration to entertain people, no?” remarked Diggy, shaking his head in disapproval.
Post Script: After a closed-door meeting with Shahid Afridi and Mulayam Singh Yadav, The UnReal Times has decided to reverse its decision with immediate effect.
Post Post Script: This article was written by Ashwin Kumar’s nephew after Ashwin forgot to log off form his Unreal account