The grueling reality TV series Big Boss, known for roping in the who’s who of the page 3 world in their house, went one step up as it started a special series with the people who mattered most in the country. From provoking missies to the prime minister, the house was choc-a-bloc with fun, frolic and of course controversy that the series is best known to bring. Here’s the transcript of what transpired on the turf, hosted by Arnab Goswami.
(Scenes from an open vote out with nominations for all to see)
Arnab: A very good evening ladies and gentlemen! After brutalizing the senses of our viewers for the past week, it’s high time the culprits who caused maximum menace are booked and showed the way out. The house goes to the polls today, and joining me in the panel err..in the house are 5 others whose fate hangs in the balance. Let me call upon MS Dhoni to step forward please.
Dhoni: Yeah, well, of course.
Arnab: Are you really demented or do you just pretend to be?
Arnab: (interrupts) Well, never mind. Last week, you were in the bottom 3 and narrowly escaped. Why do you think that happened?
Dhoni: You know of the weather here in Lonavla. The rains haven’t helped my cause at all.
Arnab: Oh yes, that makes a lot of sense. Who would you nominate for the vote out, and what’s your reason?
Dhoni: I think I would vote Ravi bhai out.
Ravi Shastri: (screaming) Me? But what did I do?
Dhoni: Don’t pretend like you don’t know. The toilets have become impossible to use. You ripped the flush handles out of all of them. What were you doing, pulling off Sunny Paaji’s handpump scene on a minion scale?
Ravi: Oh that! I am sorry about it, but you know how I am. IF I HAVE TO FLUSH, I FLUSH HARD.
Arnab: Gentlemen, if I may interrupt in between your sickening toilet humour, and get the next inmate in. Thank you Dhoni.
Manmohan Singh: (meekly moving towards Goswami)
Arnab: Before I get your vote, how does it feel to be on the show sir?
MMS: I really feel at home here Arnab. No phone calls, internet or any form of contact, no inkling of anything that’s happening around me. Exactly the way I am at my office. Excellent job Bigg Boss.
Arnab: Who do you think you are fooling with that statement Dr. Singh? You have been caught on camera yesterday breaching Bigg Boss’ code of conduct.
Arnab: Enough said Prime Minister. Let me show our viewers the heinous act you committed yesterday. Here is an exclusive footage for all of India to see.
(In the scene, Dr. Manmohan Singh is seen calling up Sonia Gandhi to consult on who to vote out)
Arnab: What do you have to say to that Mr. Prime Minister?
Arnab: The nation demands an answer Manmohan. This is a mockery of Bigg Boss.
MMS: But Arnab, Madam ji is mandatorily to be consulted on every issue. This is a mere reality show.
Arnab: A MERE REALITY SHOW!! (Hands flailing in all directions) What gives you the right to belittle this programme? Who in their right minds would call this a mere show? Who would even dare call this a show? Let me inform you on behalf of 1.2 billion Indians sir, that this is LIFE, and under no circumstances is life mere. (Wipes the sweat drops off his forehead) Let’s get Didi’s verdict on this too. What do you have to say Mamata di?
Mamata Banerjee: Anti-peepul. Undemocratic…
Arnab: Are you trying to say that MMS doesn’t deserve to be on this show, and should be voted out?
Mamata: I nebher said any such things. I nebher said.
Arnab: Who would you like to vote out then?
Mamata: I would like to vote out the UPA. Is that possible Arnab?
Arnab: Errr..not sure about that Didi. But you could vote out someone else who’s disgraced the nation off late. Some cricketer maybe.
Mamata: Okay, I want to vote Dhoni out.
Arnab: Good choice didi. But Dhoni’s oust will surely be a big-blow for the ladies here who have a liking for him. Let me bring Kim Kardashian in on this one. What are your views?
Kim K: How the hell do I come in to the picture? I never said I..
Arnab: Do not shoot the messenger Kim. Do not shoot the messenger. So like Leone, do you have any B-town plans too?
Kim K: How dare you compare me with that s****y b****? I am way classier, and don’t need to force my way around like her. As for offers, I have my hands full. This Mahesh Bhatt guy called me up for “The Dirtiest Picture”, and some match-maker wants me to appear in ‘Kim K Swayambhar’; I think I will try out cricketers on that one, enough of basketball players for me.
Arnab: Sounds delicious, looking forward to it. So, who do you want out of the house?
Kim K: Can I vote out this Didi of yours? Her fashion sense is soooooooo yucky!
Didi: What? Vote me out. SHE IS A MAOIST. I am sure of this. Throw this Maoist out of the house Arnab. She definitely is a Maoist.
When Didi’s request of getting Kim K out of the house was not entertained, she – in a fit of rage – wreaked havoc in it, and destroyed every amenity that existed. The shooting for the episode had to be stalled thereafter.
However, Ravi Shastri used the only functional close circuit camera in the house to proclaim Bigg Boss as the real winner at the end of it all.
(With inputs from Lokesh Bahety)