Haryana leaders awarded Nobel Prize for Insensitivity after groundbreaking theories on curbing rapes

Follow @TheUnRealTimes

Om Prakash Chautala was quite chuffed up when he heard of the award

Outrageous comments made by political leaders of the Haryana establishment, not only helped them win the ire and wrath of the intellectual public, but also made sure that they bagged the Nobel Prize for Insensitivity.

The Scandinavian committee that decides the Nobel prize winners saw a lot of potential in the Haryana political biggies after exemplary remarks from the Khap Panchayat about lowering the marriageable age for girls to 16, and blaming the rising number of rapes squarely on TV and movies. But what sealed it was the outspoken Congress spokesperson, Dharambir Goyat’s comment which blamed 90% victims for approaching the sexual assault with consensus.

“Agencies world over have been trying to prevent rapes for a very long time now, but all they could think of were silly measures like strict punishment for the guilty, enforcement of better law and order, educating women about their safety et al. The root cause was totally ignored. Marry a girl off early, so she wouldn’t have an unsatisfied urge. What genius this!” lauded one of the committee members just after announcing the prize.

When this UnReal reporter questioned the winning ministers on the efficacy of the age bar, citing the rape of a 6 year old as an example, the minister quickly jumped on him with a detailed draft he had prepared. “You fools think we don’t know of that! The lowering of age to 16 is only the first step, we will continuously decrease it by steps of 5, and later make it mandatory for every girl to be married off when in her mother’s womb,” proudly proclaimed the minister.

The genius of the minister didn’t stop there, as he had other master ideas up his sleeves. “There have been a lot of complaints about gang rape as well in the recent past. The only logical solution to prevent it, as we see it, is polyandry. We have decided to legalize one woman getting married to multiple husbands. That way, any victim of gang rape would feel at home, and have due preparations to prevent any trauma,” he declared before adding a final punch, “The plan in the long run is to legalize rape itself, but we would need our people to be a little more mature for that.”

Former home minister, OP Chautala couldn’t help but stand up and applaud while vigorously nodding his head in approval, on hearing this mind boggling idea.

Meanwhile, for a felicitation ceremony to hail the noble theories, Abhishek Bachchan has been extended a special invite to present the ministers the award while uttering the lines “What an idea Sirjee!”

Related posts:

1. The UnReal Times to shut down after Sonia Gandhi recommended for Nobel Peace Prize
2. Kapil Sibal, Chidambaram win Nobel Prize in Economics for pioneering work in ‘Zero Loss’ theory
3. Ravi Shastri nominated for Nobel Prize for yeoman contributions to humanity through his commentary
4. McKinsey client presentation gets nominated for Booker Prize 2012 for best original novel
5. ‘Harvinder Singh may be Bhajji in disguise’ and other conspiracy theories behind Sharad Pawar slap