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NEW DELHI: In what insiders are hailing as a sign that the party faithful is rallying around Robert Vadra in the wake of allegations of impropriety around his dealings with DLF, an informal survey of Congress party leaders conducted earlier in the week showed that a majority of them agreed with the statement, “I guess I have to support Robert Vadra.” When asked why they were supporting Mr. Vadra, a majority of those polled “strongly agreed” with the following statement, “Why do you think I support Robert Vadra? Do you think I’m a moron? Stop asking stupid questions. I don’t need this crap.”
Underscoring his rising confidence from this show of support, Mr. Vadra issued a memo to the party faithful yesterday entitled, “You morons have no other options. Deal with it, losers.” After updating his Facebook status which described supporters of Arvind Kejriwal as “mango men”, Mr. Vadra was exultant, telling supporters in New Delhi, “I love India. I love this banana republic. I’m the only son-in-law of its owner.”
In a related development, Law Minister Mr. Salman Kurshid, offered Mr. Vadra his full support during an appearance on the CNN-IBN show aptly titled “The Devil’s Advocate” saying, “Yeah, I guess I do support him. Well, because, well, duh! I have absolutely no other choice. Right? I mean, really, Karan, I’m begging you, man, please tell me that I have no other choice.”
Meanwhile, Mr. Vadra had his uncanny mother-in-law, the Italian-born Mrs. Sonia Gandhi, to thank for her brilliant move in hiring the global accounting giant, PriceWaterhouseCoopers (PwC) and its Indian partner, T. Srinivas, to conduct a “full and fair independent audit” of all of the questionable transactions alluded to by Mr Kejriwal. Mr. T Srinivas of PWC, as What Ho! readers might recall, was Satyam’s independent auditor before its “unforeseeable” financial collapse. He has since substantially reduced his professional commitments due to incarceration in a Hyderabad penitentiary.
Upon being engaged, Mr. Srinivas acted with his much vaunted speed by reviewing and certifying all of the questionable transactions in less than 4 hours, and was heard to remark, “that Kejriwal fella must be smoking crack. These (deals) look as clear as daylight to me.” When questioned about the undue haste with which the audit was completed, Mr. Srinivas summarily refuted all allegations of bias by stating “in this business, all I have ever needed is a rubber stamp and a working ballpoint pen.”
These extraordinary developments have taken their toll on Mr Vadra’s tormentor, Mr Kejriwal, who announced earlier this morning that he was immediately quitting Indian politics and joining the International Society for Krishna Consciousness (ISKCON) better known as the Hare Krishna movement. In a cryptic statement, Mr. Kejriwal said “I thought I could make a difference to Indian politics. But, I’m now not sure if even Lord Krishna can.”
In Other News
In a widely derided move, the Nobel Peace Prize committee has awarded this year’s prize to the European Union for “maintaining peace and democracy in post World War 2 Europe.” Based on this development, Goldman Sachs is now rumored to be the front runner for the Nobel Prize for Economics.
A Chinese writer, who writes under the pseudonym “Mo Yan,” has been awarded the Nobel prize for Literature. Experts around the world are hailing the fact that “it is refreshing to see Chinese guys write books, rather than just xeroxing them.” Out of sheer force of habit, the Chinese government ordered the arrest of Mr. Mo Yan earlier today.
It is rumored that, amid all the distraction created by the Vadra-DLF allegations of fraud, the former Telecom Minister Mr. A. Raja quietly slipped out of surveillance and has sold several 4G licenses on eBay.
With substantial contributions this week from Spring, our roving reporter in Australia.
(Read about the author Srini Chandra’s book ’3 Lives’ here - an inspirational novel that is quietly winning the hearts of readers)