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After his sensational remark that 70% of Punjab’s youth are grappling with drug addiction, the World Anti Doping Agency (WADA) today named Rahul Gandhi as their brand ambassador.
WADA President John Fahey confirmed the news, “It was a unanimous decision by all our board members to get Mr. Rahul Gandhi on-board. The way he deciphered the exact number of drug addicts among the Punjab youth just within a few hours of his arrival is simply superlative. He sure has god gifted eyes for drug abuse and we plan to capitalize on it.”
Elaborating further on the strategy, he addedm, “For starters, we will fly Mr. Gandhi from one country to another, stopping only for transits; which we believe will be time enough for him to ascertain the exact number of drug abusers in that country. In the long run, we plan to take him to the Olympics and other games where he will test the entire crew for doping, and not just depend on random trails for some. Questioning the veracity of his verdict is out of question, I have been told.”
Found at a temple seeking blessings from Lord Shiva, known for his love for marijuana, for his new avatar, the Congress prince answered to the jibes from SAD leaders, who mocked his mathematical skills that led to the 70% mark. “Upon landing on the Amritsar airport, I had a discussion with the Secretary of Punjab Medical Association, Mr. Lakkhan Singh Dhillon, a.ka. LSD, about the trend of drug addicts getting admitted in state hospitals. Thereafter, I just applied the L’Hospital’s rule on that data to reach 69.968%, and rounded it off to 70%. All simple arithmetic really,” he explained the detailed calculation behind his result.
An elated Digvijay Singh could barely conceal his excitement. “Rahul Baba rocks!!! He finally got the international recognition he deserves. I hope this will serve as a tight slap on the faces of the people who called him a ‘National Joke’”, chirped the senior minister in between nibbles of his favorite Pasta Italiano. “How dare they bestow him with my title anyway?” shot the Congress secretary with his mirth quickly giving way to fury.
Seven time Tour De France winner, Lance Armstrong, alleged with doping charges has already taken a 2 minute appointment with the new ambassador to ascertain whether or not he is guilty.