Inmates of Otisvile prison panic after learning that Rajat Gupta will join them for next 2 years

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Inmates of Otisvile prison after learning that Rajat Gupta would be joining them

Mr. Rajat Gupta’s 2 year jail sentencing may have brought closure to the former Goldman Sachs director’s legal travails, but the news of the verdict has triggered panic among the denizens of New York’s Otisville prison, where Rajat is likely to be incarcerated.

There was deep unease to begin with as rumors of a management consultant joining the prisoners gathered momentum within the corridors of the minimum security prison camp. However, all hell broke loose after it was confirmed that it was not just any management consultant but the big daddy himself. Rajat Gutpa, the former managing director of the world’s leading management consulting firm, McKinsey.

Inmates stared banging their heads against the jail bars, shrieks of ‘lemme outta here. I don’t deserve to be jailed with a management consultant’ rang through the air. One desperate prisoner tried to break out of the camp before security nabbed him. Even prison authorities seemed nervy, alarmed at the prospects of being unwitting recipients of a management consultant’s advice.

A pall of gloom has descended over the otherwise chirpy camp with prisoners struggling to reconcile themselves to the surreal scenario of sharing jail space with Gupta.  Wailed George Bailley, a Bronx native convicted for pick-pocketing and shoplifting, “This ain’t not fair, bro. I seen some shit in life but mama told me that u ain’t seen nothin’ until you’ve come face to face with a management consultant. Baby, what’ve I gotten myself into now (sic)? ”

Added fellow cell-mate Neil Harvey, a former sales manager from the mid-west, serving time for a white collar corporate crime of embezzlement, who has firsthand experience of Mr. Gupta’s tribe: “This is bad news, brothers. First, they chew your brain with management mumbo jumbo. As you attempt to recover, they mesmerize you with dazzling PowerPoint imagery. Just as you are about to swoon, they hit you with a bunch of recommendations which leads to neural paralysis. Oh Lord, I have done some bad stuff in my life but I don’t deserve to be jailed with a management consultant.”

Considering the gravity of the situation, Judge Jed S Rakoff has enjoined Mr. Gupta to solemnly affirm that he will not subject the residents of Otisvile to management spiel, and especially take care to not convey it using PowerPoint slides. The former McKinsey chief has assured authorities he has no intention of doing so.

“I just want to be left alone in my cell with my I-Pad to transcribe my memoirs “Whispering sweet nothings into the CEO’s ears: reminiscences of a corporate consigliere”, which, in a departure from the usual format, will comprise over 10,000 finely crafted PowerPoint slides, replete with pithy bullet pointed one-liners to rapidly progress the narrative of my career trajectory along with various geometric shapes to convey the drama and emotion of those heady days,” averred Mr. Gupta.

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