The ardent desire of thousands of faithful Congress workers has finally been answered: Shri Rahul Gandhi has decided to formally join the top echelons of the administration by becoming a RIL board member. The Congress yuvraj will be directly reporting to RIL chairman, Shri Mukesh Ambani, who, as everyone knows, runs the country. Confirming the news, Congress spokesperson Shri Jandardan Dwivedi said, “See, I told you Rahulji was No.2 in the government. I hope now at least you believe me.”
As RIL board member, Rahul will now oversee various Ministries including Textiles, Petroleum and Natural Gas, Information and Broadcasting, Heavy Industries, and the Finance Ministry to name a few, and will gain valuable administrative experience in running the country.
Dr. Singh welcomed the move, saying, “Finally, Rahul ji has joined my Government. Looking forward to working with him on many issues affecting Reliance and therefore the entire Indian economy.”
UPA chairperson, Smt. Sonia Gandhi, was beside herself with joy. “Rahul’s finally made me proud. We have had many Prime Ministers in the family but Rahul has done one better by becoming a Reliance executive. Awesome.”
The Nehru-Gandhi scion will relocate from 10, Janpath to a special office in Antilla and will trade his kurta-pyjama for a business suit. “Mukesh uncle tells me the GDP growth rate of Reliance has faltered a bit. I’ll ask Manmohan uncle to look into it. I myself will embark on a padyatra across the factories and gas-fields of Reliance to get to know the problems of Reliance employees,” promised Rahul.
RIL chairman Mukesh has however sounded a word of caution: “I’m cool with his corporate padyatras but for me results matter. If he continues to perform the way he did in the UP, Bihar elections, then I’m afraid I’ll fire him.”
In related news, Anil Ambani has filed a PIL in the Supreme Court against his elder brother alleging unfair distribution of assets in the wake of Arvind Kejriwal’s claim that Mukesh runs the entire country. “I always knew I had been discriminated against by Bhaiyya. This proves it. I don’t even own 2% of the country’s wealth while Bhaiyya owns over 10% of it. How unfair,” wailed Shri Anil.
The Prime Minister has asked both the warring siblings to sort out the issue amicably as soon as possible, lest it hurt India’s economy.
(Inspired by this Ramesh Srivats tweet)