Post Arvind Kejriwal’s raucous but successful rally at Farrukhabad, the burning question on everyone’s mind is how in the world did Arvind Kejriwal return from Farrukhabad? Was Salman Khurshid’s public challenge (“Farrukhabad se waapas kaise aaoge?”) just an empty boast? Or did Arvind Kejriwal find a way to sidestep Salman? The Unreal Times reporter, Fahrukh Khan, was on scene to capture the historic event for the sake of posterity:
A large group of IAC activists with Arvind Kejriwal at the helm are seen walking away from the protest grounds, when suddenly, from behind a clump of trees, emerges Salman Khurshid striding in slow motion to the beats of Sarkar’s ‘Govinda Govinda’ in his head. A bunch of cronies associates walk in formation behind him.
After what seems like an eternity, Khurshid reaches Kejriwal, and looks him in the eye and laughs hysterically.
Khurshid (with hysterical laughter): Farrukhabad aa to gae, ab waapas kaise jaoge?
Kejriwal (calmly): Well, I did not try booking an IRCTC ticket, if that is what you were hoping for.
Khurshid: (looks stumped for a second, as he tries to hide his disappointment): Bah! Of course we know you’re taking the road. But you won’t get back anyway!
Kejriwal (unperturbed): I don’t use Apple maps either.
Khurshid now looks quite downcast.
Khurshid (mutters): This is cheating yaar. You never play by the rules. Neither do you respect the Omerta Code, nor do you make life easier for blustering lawyer turned politicians like myself. I hate you, man.
Kejriwal: I am not afraid of dons like you. (raises his voice) The people of Farrukhabad have risen. (raises his voice even further) Today I have shown everyone the true colour of your blood.
Khurshid (in an irritated tone): Oh God, not the blood puns again. Will you stop them for God’s sake? I’m sick of them! (turns to his aides) Grab them!
Khurshid’s associates surround Kejriwal and his fellow IAC members and lunge at them.
Kejriwal (shouting as the goons drag him away): Ek Arvind mar gaya to sau Arvind khade ho jayenge. I will fight the corrupt till my dying breath. Jab tak hai jaan!
All the IAC activists chant in unison “Jab tak hai jaan, jab tak hai jaan”
All of a sudden, wind started blowing like crazy. Everyone cover their eyes to save themselves from dirt. Some people start screaming, “Nilam, Nilam” while other chant, “Sandy, Sandy”. Then with a deafening sound, a helicopter lands near the gathering. A rotund, mousy looking man steps out of the chopper, wearing a blue striped shirt and ordinary looking trousers.
Khurshid (at his sycophantic best): It’s you big boss? Why did you come in the helicopter Mukesh Sir? You could have come with us. It would have been a pleasure.
Mukesh Ambani: Thanks Sallu! I thought, Aaj Kuch Toofani Karte Hain. Hey there, Mr. Kejriwal. I am impressed man. The way you got on the nerves of my people is simply amazing. Don’t waste your time here. I am going to make you an offer you can’t refuse.
Kejriwal: What offer?
Ambani: It’s time for you to go international. I am taking over WikiLeaks. How would you like to be the M.D.? You can expose whoever you want all over the world. Full job satisfaction!
Kejriwal (furious): YOU THINK I CAN BE PURCHASED? HOW DARE YOU..
Ambani: Oh all right, never mind. I guess I’m finished here then.
Ambani and his entourage head back to the chopper to fly away. However, the chopper’s engine malfunctions and the rotors fail to move.
Ambani: Oh no! I don’t wanna get stranded in this god-forsaken place. Someone please do something.
Salman: Don’t worry Mukesh ji. I am an accomplished lawyer. I will help you sue the vendors. (shakes his fist) They’ll wish they were never born!
Ambani: Thoo! Don’t go all legal on me. I need a practical solution to get out of this god-forsaken place.
Kejriwal quietly walks up to the engine, takes out some tools from his tool kit, and fixes a leaking valve. The engine starts again and the rotors attain full angular velocity as the chopper begins to hover.
Ambani: Oh Kejri Sir, you are a genius. I’m ever in-debt to you. Anything I can do to express my gratitude?
Kejriwal: Sure, I and my band of activists need a ride out of Farrukhabad.
Ambani: Hop right in, fellas.
Khurshid and his associates look on dumb-founded as Kejri and his associates get in. The helicopter lifts itself and flies away in the direction of Delhi, scattering more dust into the eyes of the on-lookers on the ground.