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With Diwali knocking on the door, one of the market leaders in the fireworks business, Dhamaka & Sons, launched a wide range of novel firecrackers, specially crafted keeping in mind some of the noted personalities from all walks of life. The newly appointed young and vivacious CEO of the company Pataka Pandey fired away the details of their new product range exuberantly, “People are bored lighting the same crackers every year. So we thought why not give the nation a treat with crackers influenced by the big fire-breathing dragons from politics, sports, showbiz etc. Fortunately, we have roped in Ravi Shastri as our brand ambassador. He will feature in an advertisement lighting a sparkling thread and specifying the longevity by saying, “This will burn down to the wire.” The tagline of our product will be, ‘This Diwali, you are in for a cracker’.”
A company executive, dressed in a cylindrical rocket-shaped outfit, demonstrated a number of sample crackers from their repertoire, each intended for different target audiences.
Poonam Khuljhari: This is the counterpart of Phuljhari, but with tiny protective wrappers flinging out, ready to expose the gunpowder inside it when lit. But somehow, it never does.
MMS Silent-waala: Want to usher in the festival of lights but yet avoid the concomitant noise pollution? Well, thanks to the new MMS silencer, you can have your cake and eat it too. The MMS silence is like any other pataka except that it ends with a whimper after an agonizingly long wait. Especially recommended around hospital and other no sound zones. Not quite bang for the buck but it promises its share of thrills.
Dhai Kilo Ka Dhamaka: This is a heavy duty cracker tailor made for muscular guys with arms weighing at least 2.5 kilos each. It makes a terrifyingly loud sound without much fire and uproots any hand pump nearby the explosion. It comes with a ‘Handle with Care’ tag and a free Kent Water Purifier.
Gangnam Rocket: This is a special dark colored rocket designed to move in Gangnam Style while soaring high into the sky. It’s very safe as it doesn’t require any ignition. It has an inbuilt voice recognition system and is only activated if someone speaks the words “Go Maan!” in a deep voice.
Rohit Aaya Aur Gaya Pataka: This is another variant of the traditional cracker that, once ignited, makes irritating noises intermittently. The beauty of this one is that somehow it mesmerises the owner of the cracker into keeping on lighting it in the hope that it would result in a loud dhamaka, but never ever does.
Pratibha Chakhri: This is a unique one that goes round and round, all around the floor, but unlike a normal chakhri, without emitting sparks. This Chakhri will leave marks on large portions of your land floor, and will burn a huge hole in your pocket.
Master Blaster Anar: This is nothing but a normal anar, but it lasts till it wishes to. Artificial Intelligence is programmed into it to enable it decide when it should stop sparkling.
Hatf-V: We are talking about the actual Pakistani short range ballistic missile (SRBM) which will be available this Diwali thanks to a historic deal struck between Sivakasi based fireworks manufacturers and the Pakistan army. Now you can light on your SRBM and watch it blaze a trail through the sky. With a life of 25 minutes in the sky and a decent trajectory, it is paisa vasool for the discerning fire-cracker enthusiast.
Sibal 0 Wala: A welcome change from 10,000 waalas and other higher powers of 10, this one, named after the Union Telecom Minister, just burns the fuse completely.
After the demonstration, the executive showed a big pocket shaped backpack that would come free with the purchase of these firecrackers and will protect them from dampness. They call it the Ambani Suraksha Backpack.